Time Together Is Just Never Quite Enough
by Brooklynn10
Summary: An adventure of two strangers who meet by chance and change each other's lives. A train ride, two iPods, and a love that grows from the beginning all the way to the end. Lessons learned, dreams achieved, and lives changed forever.
1. Chapter 1

**No I'm not dead.**

**though right now, I wouldn't mind it. lol**

**I'm sorry I haven't been around...I just had a lot of crap going on. You don't want to hear my excuses.**

**New story. It'll be like 10 chapters or less. **

**I don't care if you hate it.**

**It's been in my head for 38472893 years.**

**There will be sex. There will be tears. There will be laughter. (hopefully?)**

**This is a REALLY long chapter...but it's mainly just dialogue...I know, I know. Who wants to read the conversation, why not just skip to the sexin'? :)**

**But fear not, I have a plan...kinda. lol **

**Just tell me what you think. **

* * *

Time Together Is Just Never Quite Enough

This better work.

It better work fucking nicely.

I was on my way to New York and I was scared to hell.

So maybe it was a mistake.

But maybe it wasn't.

Who knew? Jake certainly hadn't been a help with that problematic situation.

Dumbass.

Glad I dumped the bitch and moved on.

I sat down at my seat and took some crackers out to settle my stomach.

I hate being nauseous.

I looked out the window and watched the families say goodbye to their precious friends and family members. Waving, hugging, kissing, holding; all of the onlookers with that same sad look in their eyes. Their outreached hands finally parted from one another and then the whistle sounded, letting us know that it was time.

The journey was beginning.

I heard the conductor yell and then the wheels started churning. I could hear the shuffling of feet of the passengers hustling to their seats, praying that I wouldn't be stuck with one of those "sleep-on-my-shoulder" men who would start to drool or slobber all over my favorite black scarf or a "talk-till-my-ears-are-bleeding" woman in her late fifties that had about a billion pictures of her Pomeranian in different sweaters that matched the seasons.

Please.

The door opened and I looked to see my destiny.

Copper.

The first thing I noticed was his copper hair. It was in disarray. Kind of like he had been up all night, running his hands through it, stressed out completely.

The second thing I noticed was his leather jacket and dark jeans that he wore low on his hips, _tightly ._He was tall and lean, but I could tell he was fit underneath the gray t-shirt. He smelled of cheap beer and grass and smoke and puppies and butterflies.

Wait, what?

He looked at me for a long second and then closed the door, putting his things on the long bench in front of me and took a seat, nodding in my direction.

I smiled weakly. I hadn't smiled since, well last week. Last week when I wasn't so "needy".

I reached into my bag next to me and pulled out my book, starting to read.

"I haven't heard of that one before," the copper-haired boy spoke.

_Speak again._

"My mother wrote it," I said glancing at the cover. "It's her diary."

"She published her diary?" He asked raising his eyebrows, causing the sweetest looking lines to appear on his forehead.

"She's just that kind of person, very open and very outspoken."

He mouthed "oh" and then went back to his journal that he was now writing in.

"Is that your diary?" _Since when was I one for talking?_

"Let me tell you now that I have a pair of balls, which means I don't have a fucking diary," he said defensively. I didn't say another word and got back to my book. I was fairly sure I had read the same sentence thirteen times and still hadn't processed the words. I was too aware of his presence.

"It's a journal…of songs." I glanced up to find the mysterious boy and found him looking at me. Up and down went his eyes. Up and down once again. And a third time, up and down.

"You're a songwriter?" I asked, intrigued.

"Musician, he said motioning to the guitar case on his right. I had missed that when he came in; I guess I was too busy checking his ass out.

It was my turn to mouth "oh" and then went back to my book. I was still on the same sentence I had been comprehending and finally slammed the book shut and tossed it in my bag. I looked out the window and saw all the trees and hills and meadows pass by.

Yellows, greens, browns, and whites passed us by and I found myself listening to the sound of the pen on paper of the stranger in front of me. I grabbed my iPod, annoyed at the etchings of words being placed on the paper.

The music started playing and my knees started bouncing along and my head bobbing a little. My eyes closed and I let the music make my thoughts come in a little sweeter, a little calmer, and a little more capable of handling.

My iPod was ripped out of my hands and my eyes snapped open to see him going through my songs. I ripped out my earphones.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked irritated. You don't just grab someone's music from them. That shit was illegal in most states, or it should be. It was fucking rude and crass of him. Who the hell was this guy?

"Matt and Kim?" He asked sounding…surprised?

"Yea, it's called _good _music. Not any shit you probably play."

"I agree with you on Matt and Kim, but Katy Perry? Please don't tell me you have kissed a fucking girl and liked it. Or actually, do." He was smirking now and I instantly hated it. It made him look smug and narcissistic and _sexy._

"For your information, I've only listened to that song once and it was at a bachelorette party," I retorted.

"Sure you have," he said, still smirking. I was not usually a violent person, okay I really was. But I had the urge to slap that stupid smirk off that perfectly angular face. He hadn't shaven in a few days, his face scruffy looking and the desire to nuzzle me face on his instantly took over my body.

_Get a grip._

I rolled my eyes like the immature teenager lurking in my body and went back to looking outside the window. He continued to analyze my playlists, making "hms" and nodding occasionally and then scoffing at others.

I tried my best to ignore him and his cocky smile.

Prick.

"Okay, so your music isn't _that _bad," he stated throwing my iPod over to my bag.

Okay, if that's broken, you're getting your ass kicked.

"Okay, let's see your iPod then." He took it out of his pocket and tossed it to me. It was scratched and looked like a jackhammer had come across it a few times.

"You realize you have five thousand songs on here, right?"

"I like a lot of music," he stated simply. _Touché. _

"Well Daft Punk I'll let slide, but CSS is going a little too far."

"Music is my hot, hot sex," he replied smiling.

"I bet it is," I replied.

"Please, continue your interrogation of my musical taste," he said smiling, again that smirk came on his face and I wanted to claw it off.

"Oh. My. God. You have Miri Ben-Ari on here?" Every time I said her name people thought I was speaking Hebrew. My friends were lacking in the music department.

"She's the best," he said leaning back, putting his hands behind his head so his shirt rode up a bit. I glanced at the V that came into view and quickly went back to looking at his songs, trying to get the image of his gorgeous abs that was in my peripheral out of my head.

_Too late, it's imprinted into your brain now._

"You really do have a variety of music on here," I said viewing songs by REO Speedwagon, De La Vega, and Barcelona.

"I've been collecting since I was old enough to listen to music," he replied. "I have a knack for it."

"Excuse me?" I said, with a tone of derisive.

"I like to listen to music that reminds me of people, it helps me remember them."

"So what song do you think when you see me?"

"I'll get back to you on that," he said. I handed back his iPod, figuring that I had had enough of this and went back to looking out the window.

"I'm Edward by the way," he said after a few moments. I looked over and saw that he was peering at me, his eyes darker than I remember.

"Fantastic," I said dryly.

"You know, people with manners actually say their name in response."

"Guess I don't have manners."

"I guess so."

I figured this was the end of the conversation so I went back to looking out the window, studying the vast plains and random houses situated every few miles.

"So…" I heard. I sighed and turned to him,

"Listen, we have a few hours together and I really don't want to have to explain why my seatmate is shoved in the compartment bin up above."

"You're all sunshine and daisies aren't you?" he asked giving me a crooked grin.

_Hope that's the only thing on him that's crooked._

_Wait, what?_

"You have no idea," I said clearing my throat.

"And maybe I want you to stuff me in the overboard compartment, I mean, if you join me."

"Drop dead."

"I like you," he said chuckling.

"I wish that feeling was mutual."

"Oh? You don't like me?"

"Can't say that I do."

"Why don't you like me? I'm usually very well-liked."

"I don't know, maybe because you won't shut up?" Edward was silent, looking pensive as I turned back to the outside world. I let my mind wander on the past week's events, trying not to scoff at how ugly things had been.

Whatever.

"Can I talk yet?" I rolled my eyes and looked back at Edward.

"Couldn't even make it five minutes, could you?"

"I hate silence, it's too loud," he stated simply.

I didn't reply, just nodded and moved my eyes back to the window. I heard some shuffling and then I felt pressure on my side and when I looked over, Edward was leaning into me, on my seat, breathing the same air.

"What's with you and looking at that fucking window?" He asked.

"It's better than looking at you."

_Such a lie. _

_Maybe the biggest one I've ever told._

_Maybe._

_Okay, definitely._

"That's the first complaint I've heard," he said smirking.

"What's up with you and the fucking smirk?" I asked mocking his tone from earlier.

"It doesn't _dazzle _you?" He questioned, flashing a perfect set of teeth.

"Why the hell would it dazzle me? And who says _dazzles_?"

_Yes, it does dazzle me._

He shrugged but stayed in his seat.

_Next to me. _

"So…why are you going up to New York?"

"Jesus!" I said screaming and standing up. "Do you ever shut up?" I went and sat down on the other seat.

"Not really," he said chuckling. "I get it from my sister."

I didn't say anything, just kept staring out the window.

"After growing up with someone who could talk the ears off of _anyone, _and I mean, _anyone, _you learn how to deal with all the talking."

"And how do you deal with all the talking?" I asked.

"By talking more than they do," he replied with a brilliant smile. I couldn't help the small giggle that escaped my lips.

"Wow, you have an amazing laugh," he spoke. I quickly stop smiling and looking at him for a sign of sarcasm.

_Nothing, just that wonderful crooked smile. _

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"You're very welcome…"

"Bella," I sighed.

"Bella," he said and my stomach churned.

_I'm nauseous, I don't have butterflies. I'm nauseous. I'm nauseous. I'm nauseous._

"I like it," he replied.

_Definitely butterflies._

I grabbed the sack of crackers in my bag, sat back down, and then started to chew on them, hoping to help my stomach.

"So, Bella, you like Matt and Kim and you like Saltines," he started.

"Pretty boring, huh?" I laughed.

"Not at all."

"Please."

"I'm serious. Too many people are trying to be different nowadays, they're all the same. Now you, you are the only different person I've met."

"Well Edward, you like Travis and are a musician," I began.

"And I'm like everyone else," he stated.

"No, that's not what I meant."

"It's okay, I am like everyone else," he said laughing. "But I'm okay with that."

"Okay, good." His smile grew and he leaned against the window, his fingers playing with the ends of his hair.

"Why are you going up to New York?" I asked curiously.

"Going to see family."

"The talkative sister?"

"The esteemed father."

"Mother?"

"Ah, yes, she'll be there too."

"You don't seem very excited."

"Are you ever excited to see your family?"

"Good point."

"Are you going to freak out again if I ask you the same question?"

"I guess you'll have to take your chances."

"Why are you going to New York?"

"Look, no bitching here."

"I'm waiting."

"Doctor."

"Are you sick?"

"Obviously."

"You could have been pregnant."

"I'm far from pregnant."

"Boyfriend can't get it up?" I laughed and shook my head.

"No boyfriend." _Did his eyes just light up?_

"No prospects?"

"Besides you? No. I mean, there was. But I cut him loose three days ago."

"I am not going to disagree with the first part of that statement, but why'd you let him go?"

"He couldn't handle certain things."

"Like?"

"Like my want for silence," I replied.

"Was that a subtle hint?"

"No, that was a non-subtle hint."

"Got it." It was quiet for awhile. I took the time to think and look back out the window. Seconds passed, then minutes, and then an hour had passed.

Edward got up and walked out of the small cubicle and the silence suddenly bothered me. I had never realized that it was so loud. I don't know why but it bothered me as I shifted in my seat, trying to get more comfortable. I glanced at Edward's guitar case next to me and then at the closed door.

_No, Bella._

_Oh, do it!_

_No._

_Yes._

_No._

_Yes._

_Okay, fine._

I jumped up out of my seat and kneeled in front of the black case, opening up the top and peering inside. The acoustic guitar was beautiful but what grabbed my attention were the pictures taped to the inside. Pictures of him with his arm wrapped around a spiky, short-haired woman; both laughing at something, their eyes closed and Edward's other arm was curled around his stomach, holding it. Another picture was of Edward and a burly, brown-haired man. Both were in their boxers, smiling and posing in silly ways. I noticed Edward's flat and lean stomach, remembering the taught muscles I saw earlier. The third picture was of Edward the black-haired woman, the brown-haired man, and two others: an older man and woman, all smiling brilliantly at the camera. All happy and gleeful. The rest of the pictures were pictures of young children, presumably Edward as a little boy, and others were random pictures of landmarks.

I heard the door start to click as I slammed down the guitar case and jumped back into my seat, same position. Edward came in and nodded at me and then sat down across from me.

"Where'd you go?" I asked.

"What are you, my mother?" He said playfully.

"If I was, you wouldn't be allowed to leave the house like that."

_You look too amazing._

"What's wrong with how I look?" He said looking down at his clothes.

"You look like you just had a drunken night at Motel 8."

"What if I did?" I didn't know how to respond with that so I just went back to watching the scenery.

"Where are you from?"

"Washington."

"Oh, the D.C. area?"

"No, the state."

"You mean…"

"The Pacific Coast, yeah."

"Wow." Was his response.

"You're quite the intelligent one, aren't you?"

"Why the hell are you on the East Coast then?"

"You know that boyfriend who couldn't handle things? I moved out here to be with him."

"How long ago was that?"

"Seven or eight months ago."

_Seven months, four days, three hours and fifty-eight minutes, to be exact._

_But who was counting?_

"So you just moved out here, 'seven or eight months ago' and then just split?"

"No."

"So you're not running away?"

"I have a doctor's appointment."

"Sure."

"I do."

"Yea, that could be just a ploy to get away from the boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Touchy, touchy."

"Shut up."

"You like saying that a lot." I sighed _again._

"I'm just trying to figure you out."

"Well, don't." He laughed and I wanted to make him laugh again.

"You have me curious, Bella. I don't give up that easily."

"Why?"

"Just who I am. I'm a sex-haired, guitar-playing, question-asking, curious guy."

_Bingo._

"Well I didn't invite you into my problems," I said firmly.

"I never get invites; I'm more of a crasher."

"You can say that again."

"Well if you want me to get out of your personal problems then ask me about mine."

"That's not conceited at all."

"Shut up."

"Only if you will."

"What was his name?"

"Jake."

"Does Jake have a last name?"

"Yes."

"But you're not going to tell me," Edward said with a glint in his eye.

"No." I took out my mother's diary once again and started to read at my favorite part. The day I was born. Call me narcissistic but I like hearing about the wonderful things Renee was thinking when I was handed to her in a soft, pink blanket.

_The nurses gently lay the pretty bundle in my arms and I peeked inside. The sweet child was blinking rapidly, adjusting her big, brown eyes to the new world. Eyes like Charlie, nose like mine, with a dash of insecurity and curiosity in her expression. But that was my Bella: inquisitive and a little awkward. Her tiny finger reached out and I put my finger to touch the new _human _in my presence. Yes, she was real. Her little fingers wrapped around mine so tightly, so firmly, that I knew she would never let go of me. Charlie kissed my head and continued to count her fingers and toes, making sure she was just as much perfect as she seemed. Yes, my Bella was a gift from an angel. _

I looked back out the window, letting the words sink in for the zillionth time. I always reread this passage when I needed encouragement. I blinked back the tears from the yearning for my mom and dad. They had met in high school, married at eighteen, pregnant at twenty, and then Renee decided to pack her suitcase and hit the road, dumping me with poor Charlie. But Charlie was a fighter and went after her, gone for days at a time. I would see him holidays while I stayed with friends and distant relatives. I remember when I was four of five, I came out of preschool and there was Charlie, standing there with his arms wide open, kneeling on the ground. I dropped my lunchbox and crayons and burst into his arms, so happy for "Daddy" to be home. He swung me around and I can still hear the giggles that escaped my mouth and his chuckle in my ear. I can still see his face when he told me he had a surprise for me, a twinkle in his eyes. He opened up the old cruiser and there, in the passenger seat, was Renee.

At first I didn't recognize her; I only looked back at my dad to see what he wanted me to do. He nudged me forward and with some hesitation, I hugged the strange lady. Her scent was familiar, her touch soothing, and her smile unforgettable. This was my mom.

From then on it had been smooth sailing and happy days. Renee and Charlie hardly ever fought and were the kind of parents you wished for. They would joke and laugh at the dinner table, pay bills while Renee wore a bandana in her hair and Charlie drank beer from a can, and even after I was sent to bed, I always tiptoed to the banister to watch them waltz around the room laughing and smiling. They were the perfect, happy couple with their perfect, happy lives. They had another child when I was fourteen, a step-sister for me and a new angel for them. I knew they loved me, but the spotlight was no longer on me. It was on the new one. So I packed my bags and ran. I ran with Jacob on the back of his motorcycle to the East Coast and lived with him in a worn-down apartment with no heating.

I barely knew him, but he was dangerous. He rode a Harley and had long hair. His skin was russet-colored, his eyes almost black. I remember seeing him and feeling scared, something I hadn't felt since Renee left and Charlie told me he was going after her. It was at that time that I felt the best, that I didn't know what was going to happen and where we would go from there. _The excitement. _Maybe that's why I was attracted to Jake, he made me nervous about what was yet to come. But then once reality hit us, I found out that he wasn't ready for the problems. It would have worked out if he could have grown up and seen the real world.

I was whipped back to reality as I felt something soft and delicate slide across my cheek, when I looked over, Edward was sitting next to me, wiping the tear that had escaped.

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly. And I knew he was. He didn't just say it because he didn't know what to say, he said it because he was truly sorry.

"Thanks," I said weakly. I grabbed a mirror out of my bag and checked my face. Red blotches, puffy eyes, sniffling nose; yep, I had definitely been crying.

"I'm a mess," I said wiping the smeared mascara.

"You're beautiful," he said pulling down my hand.

"What?" I asked quickly. "What did you say?"

"I said you're beautiful."

I just stared at him.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you, you were beautiful before?"

I just kept staring.

"Unlike anyone I've ever met."

And I believed him.

We stayed silent and just sat.

It was nice to just sit for once.

I wasn't sure the strange feelings I had growing deep within me, I just knew that they were caused by Edward.

Edward quickly got up and started grabbing things out of his guitar case and then sat on the ground. His back was propped up against one seat, his feet touching the other seat. He had two small rectangles in his hand and I cocked my head in interest. He patted the ground next to him and I shrugged and followed. I sat on his side while he messed with wires, taking out my iPod from my bag and plugged it in. There was a moment of silence and then it began.

The music played out loud.

"Till I Hear It From You?" He mused.

"Gin Blossoms," I replied.

"I see that your mom's last name is Swan," he said nonchalantly, motioning to the cover of my mom's diary.

"Yea, so?"

"So that would be your name too, right?"

"No," I said quickly.

"I'll take that as a yes." I didn't reply.

"Let's see what else you've got," he said while spinning his thumb in search of a song. "Ah, yes, you've got it. I knew you would."

I was about to ask him which song when he pressed the center button and the song played.

"Ryan Adams," I said. "Wonderwall."

"I'm impressed," he teased.

"I'm full of surprises," I said dryly.

"You sure are."

We let the music play and listened to the lyrics, closing our eyes to enjoy the sound.

"Bella?" I opened my eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?" My mouth parted in surprise and Edward pressed a hand to my cheek softly. His other came and trailed it up and over my mouth, his nose grazing mine and my heart quickened.

My breathing was fast but at the same time quiet as I looked at his eyes and then to his lips. Then to his eyes. Then his lips. He leaned in closer and I could practically taste his sweet lips. Our lips pressed together lightly, growing firmer.

And the fireworks flashed across my eyes.

The power and emotion in that single kiss was more love or admiration that I had ever felt in my whole life. It awakened my soul and blazed across my skin, igniting my senses and crashing into my heart.

The kiss was broken too quickly as Edward gasped as he whipped backwards.

"Holy shit," he said panting. His fingers touched his lips and then looked to my arms.

Goosebumps.

"You felt that right, too?" I gazed at him.

"I felt a lot."

"That's…that's never happened to me before."

"Are you, are you biting your lip?" He asked amazed. I hadn't realized, I quickly stopped.

"No."

"You are!"

"No I'm not," I said quickly.

"Are you blushing?"

"No!" I hid my face. Blushing hadn't happened to me since…well sixth grade. I was passed that awkward phase of my life.

I. Do. Not. Blush.

"Hey, its okay, I find your blushing and lip-biting very sexy."

_You're not helping._

So I threw my hand at him and hit his chest.

He caught my arm and kissed my palm. I yanked my hand back towards my body and stare wide-eyed at him.

"Don't." I said softly. He frowned at me.

A knock on the door opened and the conductor stepped inside, peering at us strangely as we both sat on the floor, between the seats, staring at each other.

"Excuse me, we will be serving lunch in the dining car if you'd like to join." He turned on his heel and left, on to his next passenger.

"Come on," Edward said as he stood up and offered me a hand. I didn't take it. I stood up by myself and walked down towards the dining car with Edward in tow.

People stared at the two of us as we entered and I quickly found an empty table, happy to get some warm food in my stomach.

Edward sat across from me.

"What are you doing?"

"Eating lunch, what does it look like?" he asked placing the napkin in his lap.

"I mean, why don't you find your own table?"

"Is that what you said to Jake after he kissed you?"

"Something along those lines."

"Oh, do tell," he said.

"It was after sex, I broke up with him."

"Harsh."

"I think of it more as a post-coital cutoff."

"How prurient of you." I shrugged and looked down at the menu.

"So what's the deal with breaking up with him after he wrapped and tapped?"

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Every day and twice on Sunday."

I sighed, _once again._

"I guess that's what it took to realize that even if we give each other ourselves in _that _way, it would never be enough. He just couldn't get _there._"

"You mean to that level?"

"Of intimacy, yes."

"What couldn't he take?" I shook my head.

"That's enough questions."

"At least one more, for now?" He took my silence as an indicator to continue. "If he never could get to that level from the start, then why were you with him for so long?"

"It's simple."

"Mind explaining it to me?"

"Every girl wants to be _the_ girl that changes _that _guy."

"You mean all that romantic-comedy bullshit is _actually _true?"

"Sadly, yes."

"So, you're a romantic."

"I never said that."

"Wow, Bella is a romantic."

"Shut up."

"Never." I stuck my tongue out at him. He smirked. I wanted to punch it off.

The waiter arrived and we ordered our food, both asking for a sandwich and lemon-water. Edward started scribbling things down in his journal; I hadn't known he brought it.

"What are you writing?" I asked.

"Stuff."

"Oh so now you have nothing to say?" I guess that upset Edward for he sat up straight and handed me the notebook. I quickly read the lyrics and I gasped.

They were amazing.

Better than amazing; emotional, heart-breaking, and _real._

"These are…"

"Crap?"

"No, outstanding."

"You're lying."

"I'm not. These are very good."

"You don't know anything," Edward said.

"I think I would, I write for my City's newspaper."

"Wait, you're not _the _Bella Swan, are you?"

"….should I lie now?"

"Oh, my God. You're _THE _Bella Swan? Holy fuck, I love your work!"

"Thanks, I am going to ignore your previous comment about me not knowing anything."

"Please do."

"How do you know my work?"

"I saw it one day on the subway, some man was reading it and I had nothing else to do, I had forgotten my iPod. Actually, Alice stole it from me. Wow, I'm going way off topic. Anyways, I read over his shoulder and became addicted to it. I read it religiously."

"I guess a 'thank you' is in order?"

"No, I should be thanking you; I get a lot of my lyrics when I read your stuff."

"My stuff?"

"I put down my iPod for it, that's how big of a deal your column is."

"Stop, you're making me blush." I said dryly.

"Everyone?" Edward said standing up, pointing at me. "This is Bella Swan, the world's fucking best writer. You may not know it, but this is a day of history for you. You're in the presence of greatness."

"Please. Stop. Really." Edward sat down as mothers covered children's ears and glared daggers at him.

"I can't believe it; I knew there was something about you…" Edward began and then his eyes lit up. "HOLY FUCK I KISSED BELLA SWAN!"

"Please be quiet!" I shushed him as I noticed all the pairs of eyes staring at me.

"Would you be opposed to letting me have my way with you?"

"No, you sick perv."

"I just had to ask, I mean, it would have been awesome to say that I fooled around with the next Great one."

"Well when you become famous, I'll write a column about you and your music." If his eyes were lit up before, they were almost gouging out of his eye sockets in an almost cute, sexy way.

"You know," he said calming down. "When I'm famous and we were together, we could be the next power couple. We could be Brangelina. Or better yet, Bedward."

"Bedward?"

"Or Ella. Whichever, I suppose."

"No, no Bedward, no Ella. No. No. No."

"Why not? We'd be kickass as a couple."

"Except I don't like you and you don't know me."

"Au contraire mon ami, I know you."

"Translation?"

"Through your writing, I've become to known you. I actually think of us as friends."

"Which we're not."

"I'll pay you five dollars to let me grope you."

"I'm worth more than five dollars."

"Ten?"

I squinted my eyes and crossed my arms.

"Okay, so no groping. Well, what piece are you working on?"

"Breaking up and running away to a doctor's appointment."

"Funny."

"I thought it was."

"Really, what are you working on?"

"That's classified."

"I'm your biggest fan."

"That's sad."

"Shut up."

"Hey, that's my line."

"Yea well I quote most of the things you write, why not the things you say, too?"

"You do know that I think of you as a crazed fan, right?"

"Just as long as you know that I fantasize about you."

"Ew."

"Too much?" He smirked. He was smirking the whole damn time.

"Could we please talk about something besides work?"

"Nope. Not until you tell me what you are writing, why we aren't making out more, and how much you'll take for me to get a picture of your tits."

I got up, a little pissed, okay, a lot pissed and walked back to our seats.

I huffed and sat down. I grabbed my notebook and pencil and started writing, writing about the whole experience. Writing about Edward the mysterious guy I had met with his sex-crazed hair, leather jacket and pompous attitude. Writing about how stupid girls were. Writing about how hungry I was because I didn't get to finish my lunch.

A few minutes passed and I got bored so I laid down, facing the back of the seat, and threw a blanket over me, plugging in my headphones and let "Designer Skylines" by Owl City fill my ears and help me to calm. I focused on my breathing and clearing my head and right as I was about to fall asleep, my headphone was ripped from my ear.

"What the fuck?" I screamed turning to see the object of my hatred.

He just smirked.

I fumbled my way into standing position and then… I stomped on his foot.

"OW!" He wailed.

"Well, you deserve it," I said crossing my arms.

"I'm sorry."

"So?"

"Well now is the time you say, 'I forgive you Edward.'"

"How about, I hate you Edward?"

"That's sort of the same thing only….not."

"Just please, you stay on that side of the car and I will stay on this side," I motioned.

"Why would I want to do that? I like being near you." He stepped closer to me and I backed away involuntarily.

"You really don't like people near you." I shrugged.

Edward tilted his head and looked at me wondrously.

"What?" I asked.

He continued to stare.

"Would you stop staring at me?"

He continued to stare.

"What the hell—"

"I'm going to kiss you again, Bella Swan." And with that, his hands were on me and his lips were pressed up on mine.

The friction his lips created on mine was heaven, like a warm fuzzy feeling that tingled my whole body. His scruff rubbed on my face and I found my hands in his hair, feeling the thick, soft mane. His breathing was shallow, as was mine, and I pressed further into him as he moved his lips with mine.

He sucked on the bottom lip and he tasted like the finest honey, sweet and melted on my tongue.

I licked him and he shivered.

His hands roamed down my body, feeling every curve while our lips explored each other. The touch didn't light my body aflame, but it brought an icy touch. A touch that excited my body and kept me on my toes, I shivered and tugged on his lips with my teeth. I opened my eyes to look at him, my hands were on his jacket collar as I leaned back to access his reaction.

"I'm not sure I can ever kiss another girl now."

It was my turn to smirk.

"What? No comment on my kissing technique?"

"Your teeth are sharp."

"I'll take that as a compliment." I nodded.

"Now why are you going to the Doctor's?"

I backed away, shaking my head and went and sat down by my bag.

"Come on, Bella," he said kneeling in front of me. "Why won't you tell me?" His voice was soft and quiet; his hands were on my knees as I looked at the floor.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I didn't reply, just stared at the floor, willing for the tears to not come this time. _Please, just this once, don't come. _

He reached under my chin and pulled it up to look at him, my eyes watering and filling with tears as he searched them for an answer. His thumb brushed right under my eye, wiping away a stray tear.

"You don't have to tell me," he whispered quietly. His fingers tracing down my cheek until they reached my lips. I could taste the salt on my lips and I saw no pity in his eyes, but care.

_That'd be the first time someone hasn't looked at me without pity for me being sick._

"If I ask you to do something, would you?" I asked.

"Absolutely," He answered quickly.

"Have sex with me."

"What? You're crazy." He stood up and walked back to his seat, staring at the wall and not sitting down. His back was to me as he stared at the wall. He was silent for the longest time, I didn't know what to say.

"You're the one who asked to grope me." I tried joking.

"Don't be stupid, Bella. That was a joke."

"What? You're all talk, no action?"

"When it comes to a girl I just met, yes."

"So you are rejecting me?"

He turned and looked at me, knowing the trick.

"Don't even try that one."

"I don't know what you are talking about," I said nonchalantly getting up and moving towards to the door. I needed to get out of this cramped room with him. He caught me on the arm and willed me to look at him.

"It wouldn't be right," he whispered against my cheek that I'd turned to him.

"What if it was a dying girl's last request?" I said softly.

"What?" His grip became firmer and his whole hand wrapped around my bicep.

"Nothing," I mumbled and took another step to get out, but he gripped tighter.

"Tell me."

"It's not your business," I said firmly.

"You can't play that card anymore."

"Why won't you do it then?"

"Let me get this straight, you want me to have sex with you, _here _and _now?"_

"Why not?"

"Because…you know, I have no reason not to. You won't regret it?"

"I'm not a thirteen old-girl, I promise I won't cry when you don't call."

"Too bad." That smirk. I was falling in love with it. I smiled at the victory.

"So you'll do it?"

"Yes."

* * *

**continue or not?**

**Brooklynn10**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay for updating soon for both my stories?**

**Here we are. Chapter two of this trainwreck (no pun intended...okay, it was intended a little bit.)**

**FYI. This chapter is about 3/4 full of lemon. So if you are OFFENDED by 6-page lemon...Wait, why the hell are you reading this story then? **

**Everyone seems to like the banter...well it never goes away so I'm glad you like it.**

**Just so you know. I do not mean to OFFEND anyone with this story. If I have, let me know, I'll make a public apology and then bye-bye story. That's how much I do not want to offend anyone.**

**RECAP!**

Bella: So you'll do it?  
Edward: Yes.

* * *

"Really?" I asked, a little shocked.

"Well…" he trailed off. He sat down and ran his hands through his hair.

_So he really does do that. _

"I don't know…maybe we shouldn't."

"No, you said yes."

"I changed my mind."

"No," I said simply. I pushed against him and he fell back on the seat. I crawled onto his lap, straddling him, determined to get what I wanted.

"What are you doing?" He said in a tone not angry, nor surprised.

"Feeling you up, what does it look like?"

"Proceed, then." His grin was too cute.

I let my palm press into his cheek, then swirling with my finger to trace his jaw and ear, and then finally did what I wanted to do from the first moment I saw Edward.

I ran my fingers through his hair.

It was better than I imagined. His thick mane was silky and smooth, felt like the finest silk and it ended too quickly. I heard Edward hum in appreciation; his eyes closed now as he let his senses take over and heighten.

I put one arm around his neck as the other trailed down to his grey t-shirt and felt the muscles that were clearly shown.

He felt better than he looked.

And that's saying something.

I ran my fingers over his arm, up and down, just like the way he assessed me in the beginning.

I was exploring him.

I wrapped his arms around my waist, his fingers absentmindedly rubbing against my exposed skin on my back where my shirt had ridden up. I felt chills up my spine; excited I shivered which "subtly" ground my body into Edward. He gasped quietly and opened his eyes to smirk at me.

"So that's how you're going to play?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said as I diverted my eyes to the pattern of grey threads on his shirt.

"I think I should at least know your illness," Edward started and could see my apprehension in my eyes. "I mean, just so I have a logical explanation when you die of the most powerful orgasm and I need to explain to the police why you're dead," he added quickly.

"So if I tell you, it's just for your innocence?"

"Precisely."

"Sorry, you're doing time."

"You're a cruel, cruel girl."

"Don't drop the soap."

"Stripes aren't my thing."

"What are you, a girl?"

"There's only one way to find out," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Put out or shut up."

"You are really bossy," he stated annoyed.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I didn't mean for you to."

"You're cuter when you aren't talking," I chastised.

"And you're cuter when you aren't insulting me."

"Listen, we only have a few hours left, I really would like to do this before I grow a beard."

"I'm not sleeping with you if you grow a beard," he replied.

"It could be sexy," I added.

"Or not," he snorted.

"I like your scruff."

"Scruff? This is not scruff, its _art._"

"Art?"

"Just like the size of my di—"

"Enough! Just unzip your pants; you can even write a song about it."

"Just as long as you write about this in your next column and make sure you use my real name when you talk about the best fucking orgasm you've ever had in your life."

"I'm not a dating service."

"If you were, I'd sign up."

"Stop stalling," I lectured. Edward sighed and then stood up, my legs still wrapped around him, his hands supporting my ass, and my arms still around his neck.

"You don't want to do this," he said looking into my eyes.

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

"Because it means nothing."

"So?"

"So, you forget that I know you. I read your columns and I know that you are a romantic who believes that sex should mean something."

"What if I just want to get laid?"

"You're Bella Swan, that's not possible."

"What are you, the Chinese guy from The Karate Kid?"

"Wax on, wax off…" he replied.

"Just as long as you fuck me in the process."

I was losing.

I was losing fast.

What the hell happened to the ground I had covered?

Damn him.

"We'll see," he replied with a smirk.

The next thing I did is blamed on my body overtaking my control and my brain not functioning correctly.

I slapped him.

I slapped him hard.

I wiped that smirk off.

It felt damn good.

And then I saw the red welt on his face.

I gasped in horror.

"I'm SO sorry," I apologized profusely as he rubbed his jaw.

"Damn woman! Where did you learn to hit like that?"

"My dad is a cop," I shrugged.

"And he feeds you what? Spinach?"

"Close, steak and berry cobbler at the diner."

"Well no more protein for you, you've already broken a few cheek bones."

"I said I was sorry."

"I think I'm blind!"

"That's just because you are crying."

"I'm NOT crying!"

"Really, then what is that water doing coming out of your eye socket?"

"Shut up."

"Ohhh nice one!"

"Will you check my eye…" he said sadly. I sighed and put my hands on either side of his face gently.

"Look up, please." He looked up and I checked his eye and then rubbed his face soothingly. "You're fine."

"I know, I just wanted you to rub my cheek," he chuckled.

"Want that other cheek to match?" He stopped laughing at once and then narrowed his eyes at me.

"Alright, so you like Matt and Kim, you eat Saltines, you are a writer, and you hit like a sumo-wrestler."

"Still different?"

"Absolutely."

"How's your cheek?"

"It's fucking fantastic."

"Good," I said cheerfully. He rolled his eyes and then set me down me down on my feet.

"So what do you want to do now?" I looked up at him and smiled coyly.

"I'm not going to sleep with you," he said dryly.

"Why the hell not?" My voice rose.

"Because…because if we do sleep together, you'll fall madly in love with me and then I'll have to get a restraining order for when you stalk me and then it's just work work work for me."

"Always about you, huh?"

"Always," he smiled crookedly.

I went and sat down on my own seat and looked out the window, noticing the sudden change in maple leaves to evergreen forests.

It felt like home.

I looked away from the window and shuffled around in my bag looking for my iPod.

"Please don't tell me you're pouting."

"No," I said calmly. I didn't look at him. I just _sat._

"So…you wanna do it?" he asked with his eyebrows rising.

I couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face.

"Take your shirt off," I commanded as I stood.

"Whoa whoa whoa," he responded. "First there are going to be a few rules."

"Like what? No cuddling after?"

"No, I demand cuddling."

"Momma's boy."

"You love it."

"Get on with the rules, I haven't got all day."

"First, I get to set the pace."

"Fine."

"No cock-blocking."

"Excuse me?"

"No bullshit about how much you want it and then back out at the last second."

"Happened to you before?"

"I had blue balls for a month."

"Any other rules?" I said chuckling.

"One more."

"Care to share it with the class?"

"You have to talk with me the rest of the trip."

"Fuck NO."

"Take it or leave it."

I sighed.

I sighed again.

I sighed a third time.

"Oh for crying out loud, it's not that bad."

"You've never had to carry a conversation with yourself before," I replied.

"Bella," he warned.

"Fine, fine, but I have a few rules of my own."

"Alright, that seems fair."

"My shirt doesn't come off."

"Why the hell do you not want your shirt—" I held my hand up stopping him.

"You've got your rules, I've got mine." He sighed and then nodded.

"And the second one?"

"No talking to me for fifteen minutes after."

"You are a strange, strange woman."

"So I've heard."

"Alright, so we've got a deal?" He stuck out his hand.

I shook it.

I probably just sold my soul to the devil.

"You have a blanket?" he asked. I handed him one from my bag. He laid it on the floor and then undid his belt buckle.

And then it hit me.

HOLY FUCK I WAS GOING TO SEE THIS MAN NAKED!

_You're only allowed to take one breath. One breath and then you're not allowed to be nervous._

I took the biggest breath I could manage.

_Okay._

He pulled his shirt off, showing the glorious muscles beneath.

_Take another breath!!!!_

I eyed him up and down and then settled on his eyes, making sure I didn't look anywhere but there.

He fucking smirked.

I smirked back.

He undid the button of his pants and there he was.

All fucking glory hanging out there.

Buck fucking naked.

Bare fucking skin.

"I figured you a boxer-briefs kind of guy."

"I'm more commando."

I unbuttoned my pants and slid them down my legs and looked back at Edward.

"I figured you a thong kind of girl."

"I'm more commando," I mocked. His crooked smile calmed my nerves and suddenly, I wasn't nervous at all.

I was proud.

Proud of myself for doing this.

Proud of myself for not giving a fuck.

Proud of myself for stepping out of the box.

Edward Cullen eat your heart out.

I removed my jacket and then Edward placed a hand out, which I took willingly. He pulled me to him, his eyes dark and majestic. Our chests pressed together and I could feel his heart race just as mine did.

_I had the same effect on him._

"It's not too late to back out," he whispered. His lips were at my nose and as I looked up to his eyes, I realized something I hadn't before.

He actually cared for me.

It was all there in his eyes: care, kindness, gentleness, protectiveness, and tenderness.

"Wow," I stated out loud.

"I see the same thing too," he replied. I guess my eyes must have showed something he hadn't seen before. I opened my mouth once more for a witty remark but he shut me up with his lips pressing to mine.

He sucked on my bottom lip for a few moments, relishing in the taste as the shivers ran down my spine, exciting and tingling every nerve, fiber, bone, and muscle in my body. His hands were on my cheeks as he moved his lips with mine. Moans escaped and sounds that only animals make found their way out of our mouths.

We didn't care though.

I was too entranced by the pictures in my head.

I saw _beauty._

Mountains, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a smoky club, beaches, monkeys, my old red truck, lakes, perfume, Edward smoking, flower girls, rivers, ballet dancers, cookie dough, and so many more things flashed in my mind and I couldn't help the feeling that Edward was pouring into me through a kiss.

It was something I hadn't felt in such a long time.

It was _hope._

I kissed him more fervently now, never wanting this feeling to stop coursing my veins. I felt free and liberated and strong.

I hadn't felt strong in so many months.

Not since I found out about the sickness.

I didn't think the power could grow any stronger until Edward did the unthinkable.

He licked me.

OH SWEET GOD.

I opened my mouth and he ravished my tongue with his own, eliciting coos and mews from my mouth and making me hold on tighter to his torso. His tongue descended back into his mouth as his teeth bit my bottom lip.

His teeth were sharp.

I adored it.

I pulled him closer and closer never getting the distance I wanted between us.

Which was none.

My legs gave out and Edward and I were now falling to the floor, never stopping our kiss.

We hit the floor in a thud and laughed into each others' mouths. Edward flipped us so I was on the blanket as he stayed above me. My hands moved from his sides to his cheeks as his moved my cheeks to sides.

We were in perfect unison.

We broke apart gasping for air, not looking at each other in fear of losing our minds into beautiful abyss.

I allowed myself one peek.

His lips were swollen red.

OH SWEET GOD.

He started to swat my hair away from my neck and then began kissing and sucking on the sensitive flesh.

"Don't stop," I gasped.

"Oh I won't," he replied against my neck. I could feel his member growing firmer against my thigh and I felt a distinct clench in my abdomen.

I wanted him. Now.

I couldn't breathe and yet I was gulping too much air at the same time. I felt my toes curl and my heart swell with his kissing.

What the fuck would happen after he banged me?

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. His tongue swirled against my neck and he sucked and teased his way up to my mouth.

I was going to combust.

His dick was firm and strong now, I could feel it rub up against me and I felt that fluttering feeling you get when you have to pee.

But to bathroom I did not have to go.

Oh shut up, Bella-Yoda.

I focused on his lips pressed against mine and opened my eyes to peer at his face.

His eyes were doing the same thing. I smiled as we kept kissing.

Just staring at each other.

For a minute or two.

Or seven.

His fingers were playing absentmindedly on the hem of my shirt, tickling my sides with feather-light touches. I closed my eyes and moved my lips with him, making the best kiss I had ever received.

Maybe we could be Bedward or Ella.

No.

_No, Bella. Don't. No, no, no, no, no._

I shook the thought out of my head and focused on the glorious man in front of me, kissing my cheek and eyelids as his fingers gripped the ends of my shirt and brought it up and up and up and up…

NO! The shirt was off along with my bra and now Edward was staring at my chest.

I wish I could have fainted.

Why couldn't I be one of those girls who find out bad news and just KAPLUNK! hit the ground?

His eyes were wide as I sucked in a sharp breath, waiting for him to jump off of me and put on his clothes as fast as he could.

The scars.

But he didn't run.

He didn't move.

He didn't even speak.

For the first time, I wished he would talk.

But after a moment, his fingers brushed the disfigured skin. His eyes looked into mine and then looked back at the skin. His face showed no emotion, just curiosity.

I bit my lip in anticipation of what he would say.

"You are beautiful," he whispered. "You hear me? Gorgeous."

I nodded slowly as a single tear escaped my eye and fell into my hair.

Before I could say anything Edward pressed himself into me, completely surrounding himself inside of me.

OH SWEET GOD.

The feeling was magnanimous, filling every nook, cranny, and crevice in my body. There was neither cold shock nor any powerful heat radiating; just heart-wrenching, stomach-clenching feelings of wonderfulness.

"Oh fuck," Edward moaned as I let my chin push upward and gasped for breath. I wasn't going to last, this feeling of hope and passion and OH SWEET GOD's were too much.

And then he started to move.

OH SWEET LOVING GOD.

I bit my lip as he delved further and further into my body, his eyes focused on mine and his lips kissing the corners of my own.

He needed to know that I was okay.

So I smirked at him.

And just like that, Edward started pounding into me.

"OH SWEET GOD," I yelled. I couldn't stop the words from spilling out. I cursed and swore and whimpered until I finally got what I needed.

A release.

My insides clenched around him and he gasped in delight. I felt a sudden shell within me bursting with tiny jetpacks of energy fill my body.

I felt _good._

I stopped breathing as I took one last final look into his eyes, our kissing stopped as he focused on the pleasure emanating from below. The look in his eyes amazed me every time.

That same look of care, kindness, gentleness, protectiveness, and tenderness was still there.

Only with one more thing: lust.

He shook inside of me and then his body collapsed on top of mine. I wrapped my arms around him, shaking along and placing my hands across the sheet of sweat on his back.

Call it gross, call it disgusting. I found it hot.

We lay there for awhile, not speaking and not saying anything. He was still in me, still causing a nice friction between the two of us.

I sighed in happiness.

He rolled over, grabbing the blanket with him and then placing me on his chest with the blanket on top of us. I watched the wall for some time, thinking about how last month I would have never in a million years think that I'd be doing this.

Sex on a train.

Sex on a train with a stranger.

Sex on a train with a sexy stranger.

I smiled widely.

And then I did the unthinkable.

I chuckled.

I giggled.

I laughed.

I cackled.

Edward started to laugh with me. And by the end of it, we were holding our stomachs as we laughed at the hilarious and ridiculous situation we were in. His body was rumbling and I giggled more at the vibration underneath me.

I sat up and started to get dressed, turned away from him, still laughing a little. I heard him behind me doing the same and as soon as I was dressed I turned around. Edward was folding the blanket, handing it to me, a polite smile on his face.

Fifteen minutes of silence, here we go.

I sat down on my bench and thought back to the last days in my head. I leaned against the wall and before I knew it, I was asleep.

And then I was awake. I opened my eyes quickly and blinked back the sleep from my eyes, rubbing my face and stretching my body.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked Edward who was writing in his journal.

He looked at his watch and put up a finger for me to wait. I was confused so I began to speak but then he nodded his head. "Fifteen minutes," he said wearing the brilliant crooked smile.

"I need something to drink," I said as I swallowed. My throat was dry and had a sour taste in it. Edward pulled out a water bottle from his guitar case and passed it to me. I drank generously and then handed it back to him, a fourth remaining in the bottle.

"Wow, way to leave some for the rest of the starving population."

"There is still some in there."

"Yea, full of floaties and backwash." I laughed and then stretched my back out more.

"So…" he started. I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously starting that shit again? We don't have to talk about it," I replied.

"But I want to."

"Always about you, huh?"

"Absolutely."

I put my feet up on the bench and sat parallel to the bench and leant up against the wall.

"Any regrets?" Edward asked.

"None whatsoever. You?"

"Fuck no."

"I'm sorry about the crying."

"Don't be."

"I'm sorry for laughing."

"Don't be."

"And I'm sorry I keep apologizing."

"Don't be." I looked over at him and he had a smile on his lips as he kept writing.

We stayed silent for a few more minutes, nothing awkward, just on a whole new level now.

The realization hit us both.

We would remember each other for the rest of our lives.

We could no longer ride a train without thinking of this experience.

We were now tied to each other.

"Fuck," I spoke aloud.

"You don't want to remember me?" He teased, knowing what I was thinking.

"That I gave my body to you and then showed you my scars? No thanks."

"They aren't that bad."

"Don't even try that, they are bad and I know it."

"I take it that's why you are going to New York?"

"Yea, they think it's come back."

"Breast cancer?" he choked. For the first time, he seemed bothered by my disease.

"It's not like you have to live with it," I said defensively.

"Bella, that's not what I meant. You are a part of my life now, I don't want anything bad happening to you."

"You say that to all your one-train stands?"

"Usually," he joked.

I smiled politely and stayed silent.

"How long have you known?"

"A few weeks."

Seven weeks, six days, and eight hours to be exact.

"How'd Jacob handle it?"

"Do you see the bitch here?"

"So not well."

"Ding ding ding we have a winner."

"Smartass."

"Jackass."

"So what? You come home, have sex with him, tell him you have the big C and then what? He throws a fit like a fucking child and you dump him on his ass?"

"Close," I laughed. "I told him at home, well his house, a few days after I found out. He said he would support me in whatever I wanted to do. The scars are from cutting into them and trying to remove the tumor, but as you can see, that wasn't the prettiest work."

"Please don't tell me he whined cause of your tits weren't to his fucking standards," Edward said angrily. His anger surprised me and I could see his knuckles clench white in fists.

"No, he was a good friend. He did all the work around the house, he brought me soup in bed when I was too sick to get up, and he even bought me flowers from time to time."

"How Ward Cleaver of him."

"But he just wouldn't let me talk to him about what would happen if…"

"If you died."

There. Finally someone could say it without sounding like they pitied me.

"I don't need pity and that's what Jake did. I found that I couldn't be with him if all he ever did was say "sorry" and fluff my pillow like nothing was wrong. I needed him to join the real world, grow a pair, be a man, and talk to me about what happens if I did. What I want to happen after I'm gone."

"And you told him all of this?"

"After I did, he said I was too needy."

"You have fucking cancer, you get to be needy."

And that's when it happened. That's when I realized that I really did like Edward Cullen. Because even through the bullshit and drama, he could still make a crass remark and it wouldn't offend me. It made me feel better and it helped take some of the intimidation out of having cancer. I didn't need someone to say "I'm sorry", I needed Edward here to make fun of this thing with me.

Because that's the kind of person I am.

"That's what I said."

"And he replied with what? Drool?"

"Close, he just got up and walked away. He went to a bar for a few hours and then came home. He was drunk and wanted to have sex, so I said okay."

"Way to go," he encouraged.

"And halfway through it, I realized that this was the only way that Jacob and I were going to be intimate: through sex." Edward nodded in understanding. "So I hopped off, ran to the closet, packed my things and dumped the ass."

"Good for you. So here you are?"

"Here I am." He smiled at me and then got up and sat perpendicular to me, placing my legs on top of his lap.

"I'm not going to rub your feet and tell you it's going to be okay. Do I want it to be okay? You bet your ass. Do I want you to die? Not after the orgasm you gave me. But I won't pretend like this isn't a problem."

"Thank you," I said. For the first time in a real long time I meant it too. No more "thank yous" for putting a warm cloth on my head, no more "thank yous" for sleeping in the other room so I could have more bed space, no more "thank yous" for doing the groceries when I was too sick to do them.

"I'll take that as a thank you for the sex."

"You should." I paused for a few moments. "So now what?"

"Now, my gorgeous friend, what are a couple things you want to accomplish before you die?"

* * *

**Don't even ask me how this story came to me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello!**

**A few things before we start:**

**kudos to i heart quil for knowing where the title came from.**

**And if you want to read a good story, I must recommend "I Walk In Shadows" by Jude Mackenzie. It's one of those fics you are sitting on the edge of you seat, pulling out your hair, not knowing who to trust, love, or hate. It's on my favorite stories list, so check it out. Hokay?**

**I don't own Twilight. But I do own a poster of Robert Pattinson that I taped to the ceiling above my bed. I lay there some times and hope the scotch tape will give out. Ha! **

**Recap:**

_Edward:_ "Now, my gorgeous friend, what are a couple things you want to accomplish before you die?"

* * *

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Come on, there has got to be something you want to do before you die."

"Well, I'd like to do everything that people do every day."

"Like…?"

"Have a few more birthdays, have a movie star kiss, witness a love bigger than I've ever known, get a tattoo, get married, make a person's day, and essentially die in a prom dress."

"You want to die in a prom dress?"

"Why not go out in a bang?"

"Give me ten minutes," Edward said standing up. "Don't move." I looked at him with confusion but he was already running out the car's door. I started cleaning up the car, knowing that if people came in here they would know that we had sex. So I got my bag organized and my bench tidy enough for more than two people to sit on it comfortably. I moved Edward's stuff around so he had more room too. Why I cared for this man's possessions so much, I had no idea.

_Because you care for him. _

Shut up Conscience.

I sat back down on my bench and Edward walked in, with about seven people in tow, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"You know, I'm scared when you smile like that," I said hesitantly as I looked at the posse behind him.

"Well love, I found an official to marry us."

_Excuse me?_

"Excuse me?"

Yes, I'm an intelligent one, I know.

"Babe, we're getting married!" He said swooping me into his arms.

_You're supposed to play along, dumbass._

"Oh, that's fantastic!" I said mocking fake-cheer. He kissed me and I tried to remember to breathe as he set me on my feet.

"I don't normally do this," the man said to us both, chuckling.

"Thanks again," Edward said politely.

"What are the others doing here, _honey?" _I asked.

"You'll see," he said with a wink.

_Oh boy._

Edward started moving people in, sitting them in any available space they could fit. I was suddenly happy I went all OCD on our stuff and moved it around.

We were in sync.

Edward placed me by the window and went and stood up by the man officiating this wedding.

Wait, what?

I'm getting married.

Legally.

And strangely, I was okay with it.

I swallowed and took a breath as I saw one of the guests take out a set of drums he was holding and start to play the small instrument.

Edward had his hands in front of him, clutching one another as he smiled proudly at me. I walked up to him, captivated by the look on his face.

He was just as sure as I was that this was the right thing to do.

"Dearly beloveds," the man began.

"Actually, can we skip all the unnecessary parts?" Edward asked. "We're on a time limit."

I smiled because I wanted to skip them too.

"Sure," the man said unsure. "Um okay, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, do you take—"

"Your middles names are Anthony and Mason?" I asked surprised. The officiator looked at me in surprise.

"Yes, and yours is Marie," Edward answered.

He knew my middle name.

Oh sweet glorious God.

"Okay, so Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, do you take Isabella Marie Swan to be your wife?"

"You know, I think I do," Edward replied.

"And Isabella Marie Swan, do you take Edward Anthony Mason Cullen to be your husband?"

"I don't have a choice."

"Oh nice one Bella, our kids will love that story."

Our kids?

"I mean," I said clearing my throat. "I do."

Could Edward's grin get even bigger?

"I now pronounce you husband and wife; you may kiss the bride."

Edward held out his hand and I took it, he pulled me against him, and then softly took hold of my lips with his own. The world became a little hazier and the lights didn't seem as bright.

I heard clapping all around us and broke away to see happy faces smiling at us.

"Congratulations", "Best Wishes", and "Lovely service" was all said to us as Edward hooked an arm around us. He turned toward my ear and whispered "One down."

Then it hit me, he was accomplishing my list.

I launched myself at him and kissed him fervently. His back hit a wall and his arms enclosed me to him. I giggled and then whispered thank you into his ear.

"You're very welcome," he whispered back.

"So what's next?" I asked with a grin.

"Sam?" Edward asked to a person behind us. I turned and look at the man he was talking to and saw Sam pull out a few muffins out of his apron pockets. He stuck tall candles in them, ones you see on tables during romantic dinners, lit them and then everyone sang happy birthday to me.

I looked at the candle and silently wished and then blew out the candle.

"Happy 30th birthday!" Edward cheered. I looked at him in confusion and then Sam lit another candle into a muffin and the whole group began to sing again.

"Happy 40th birthday!" Edward said enthusiastically. Another candle was lit. The song sang again.

And the exercise repeated.

Again.

And again.

And again. By this time I was celebrating my 90th birthday and I had made seven wishes.

All the same one.

The people clapped just as enthusiastically as the first time as I blew out the last candle. Sam took out the candle and handed me the muffins, seven of them now sitting on my bench we were using as a table. I thanked everyone again and hugged each one of them.

They felt more like a family than I had ever known.

A couple of them left after the birthday party and I looked at Edward who was still grinning at me.

"Now what?" I asked skeptically.

But inside, I was a four-year old girl jumping up and down.

"Now, we get a tattoo."

"I don't think—"

Edward shushed me and sat me down on his bench, pulled out a pen out of his journal's spine and grabbed my wrist. He put the pen to the area below my thumb and started drawing. I tried to watch but I couldn't figure out what it was until he was completely done.

A music note.

Only half of one.

"What about the other half?"

Edward gave me his hand and the pen.

My heart threw up a little bit at how happy I was.

I put the pen to the same area on him, only the opposite hand, and drew the same image. After I was done, Edward grabbed my hand and held it with his, making the two halves into a whole musical note.

It might have been the best moment of my life.

No, the sex was.

I smiled at him and stared at the picture, amazed at how much had happened these last few hours.

"Holy fuck, we're married!" I screamed.

"Relax, we'll get it annulled." The man who had officiated the ceremony looked at us sternly.

"Calm down, Rev.," Edward spoke.

"What if I don't want to get it annulled?" I whispered. Edward's face spun to me and searched my eyes.

"Then I guess I need to know something," he replied.

"What's that?"

"Where do you want to go on our honeymoon?"

"New York."

"So we're on our honeymoon?"

"I think so."

"Maybe we should start kicking these people out so we can get to the honeymoon part," Edward said seductively.

"What about my list?"

"It's all complete."

I looked at him confused.

"We got married, had a movie star kiss, well I think we had a few of them, we got you a tattoo, made a person's day, witnessed a love bigger than you've ever known, and we had a few more birthdays."

"I never made a person's day and I certainly didn't witness a love bigger than I've ever known."

"You made my day, Bella."

"Since when did you become the romantic?"

"Since I met you."

"So I'm the one to blame."

"Yep," he said popping the P.

"Well what about the other one?"

"You're right," he said his brow furrowing. "Looks like the sexin' is going to have to wait."

Oh shit.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

"I didn't—" I said quickly, trying to backtrack.

"Thanks everyone for helping me out, I owe you all big time," Edward said as he stood, still holding my hand. They all put up water bottles, coke cans, and thermoses in the air and drank to us. A few of them shook Edward's hand, hugged me, and went back to their lives. An older woman placed her hand on my cheek, kissed it, and then whispered in my ear.

"Don't let this one go." I barely heard it. I smiled at her and watched her grab her husband's hand and lead him out.

I wish I could grow old.

Soon the cabin was empty, just Edward and I, sitting and nibbling at the muffins.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Don't thank me," Edward replied.

"Why not?"

"Because you get to be selfish today."

"I'm still thankful," I said after a few minutes. We sat silently for a little bit, until Edward decided to go find some drinks for us.

"I'm sorry you're married to me," he winked as he closed the door behind him.

"I'm not," I whispered to no one.

XX

"Okay so what's your answer?"

"Do it, pull the plug," Edward answered.

"Really? You'd want them to pull the plug and let you die?"

"Yes."

"Me too."

"Did you tell your sweet Jacob that?"

"Yes."

"What'd he say?"

"He said he wouldn't."

"That's bullshit," Edward rolled his eyes. "Okay, my turn. Your husband is dying, he's in a lot of pain and he is weak. He asks you to help him die. What do you do?"

"Help him kill himself."

"Really? Just like that? You don't even want to think about it?"

"Nope."

"Usually when I ask that question, people take a moment to think."

"But am I like most people?"

"No, you're different."

"What about you?"

"I'd help her kill herself."

I nodded.

"It's not that I wouldn't want them around, but I'm selfish in the way that I don't want to remember them as the sick, slowing dying person they've become. I'd rather think of them as the happy, healthy person I met and fell in love with," Edward paused. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

"Not at all."

"I feel like that was a horrible thought."

"But I'm sure she'd want you to remember her that way too, not just the sickness."

"What were you like before the cancer?"

"Selfish," I smiled.

Edward laughed and it became my new favorite sound.

_Stop, Bella._

"You still are selfish," Edward smirked.

I still want to punch that smirk.

And then lick it.

And then punch it again…then maybe lick it again.

"Right back atcha, buddy boy."

The train started slowing down and I knew our journey was just about over. I stretched my limbs and then stood, starting to get my things in order and all my belongings next to me.

"Looks like rain," Edward said looking out the window.

"I thought you didn't like that window."

"It's a pain in the ass, but you learn to love it," he said looking at me.

"I could say that about most people."

"They are all the same."

"Except me."

"Except you."

I smiled at him.

He smiled back.

Like he loved me.

It was beautiful.

The train finally slowed to a complete stop and I heard the passengers begin to descend.

"Looks like this is it," I sighed.

Edward chuckled to himself. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm going to miss those sighs of yours, that's all."

The door opened and the conductor let us know that it was our turn to get off. I followed the man out, Edward behind me, and as soon as I had gotten on, I was off.

I set my bag on the ground and took a look around.

I suddenly missed the train.

"Where you headed?"

I squealed in fright. I whirled around to see Edward there, laughing at my squeak; his eyes bright and his lips crooked and gleaming.

"You scared the shit out of me," I sighed.

"Your face does that to me all the time."

"Always about you, huh?

"Absolutely." He paused, still smiling crookedly. "So where are you going?"

"You don't shut up, do you?"

"Never."

"Whoever spent the last few hours on that train with you is a poor girl."

"It was my wife."

My heart pitter-pattered.

Yes, pitter-pattered.

Like a fucking thirteen-year old.

Like a fucking thirteen-year old in love with the newspaper boy.

Edward was my newspaper boy.

"She's married to you? She's more desperate than I thought."

Edward laughed and nodded.

"The hotel down the street on the corner," I answered.

"It was a pleasure to meet you." I stuck out my hand. Edward raised an eyebrow and then crushed my body to his, dropping all bags and guitar cases as his lips met mine.

I heard the train whistle, but I thought it was my ears due to all the blood rushing to my head from the kiss. I felt dizzy and wonderful and hungry and messy and weak and thirsty and happy and strong.

I felt good.

His lips moved with mine, again we were in sync.

His tongue twirled with mine.

I secretly wrote the letters G-O-O-D with my tongue in his mouth.

Because that's how he made me feel.

Good.

Good like there had never been a bad night.

Good like there would never be a bad day.

Good like I was going to be okay.

His arms were around me, rubbing my back and clutching me to him. My arms were under his, clinging onto his shirt.

We broke away slowly, our lips almost touching as we looked each other in the eyes.

"Good," I whispered. His eyebrows creased but a crooked smile played at his lips.

"Good," he agreed.

"I've got to go."

"Me too."

"Then let go."

"I'd rather not," he whispered.

"Me too."

He kissed my nose and then picked up his guitar case and started walking for the door. I watched him walk.

He didn't look back and I was glad he didn't.

Or I would have run to him.

The realization saddened me.

_You don't need Edward Cullen; you need to get to your appointment._

Right-o.

I watched him until he was out of sight.

And then I picked up my bag and got on with my life.

Never going to see Edward Cullen again.

I hailed a taxi, life seeming to be on auto play, and made my way over to the doctor's.

I felt nothing.

I was back to numb.

And nauseous.

I took out some crackers and chewed on them, not paying attention to anything.

Just in a stupor.

Life was beginning to go back to normal.

I hated normal.

I wanted _normal._

I stepped out of the cab, paid the driver, and then went inside. I checked in to the front desk, the nurse looking at me with sad eyes, knowing why I was here.

There is only one reason why people come to this office.

"_The Big C."_

I could already hear her thoughts.

_She's so young._

_Poor dear._

_Maybe she has a shot._

I took my seat and stared at the wall.

I sighed.

And then smiled.

And then smirked.

And then bit my lip.

And then I blushed.

But it wasn't the same.

I focused on other things.

Soon it was my turn.

My name was called.

"Swan, Bella?"

_It's Cullen._

Stop.

I walked back with the nurse.

I answered her questions.

_Yes._

_No._

_A few weeks._

_Slight nausea._

_Eight._

_Maybe._

_Not sure._

_Yes._

_I don't know._

_Okay, I'll wait._

I sat on the crinkling paper as I waited for the doctor.

I counted ceiling tiles.

I thought about stealing ear swabs.

What happened if I walked out right now?

_You can't do that._

Shut up, Conscience.

I waited some more.

I read all the charts and posters.

Memorizing the areas of the heart.

Aeorta.

Left Ventricle.

Right Ventricle.

The door opened and in came the doctor.

The doctor who was supposed to save me.

"Ms. Swan?"

"Yes?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine," I answered. He gave me a stern look like I should know better. "I have slight nausea and my head hurts a little. I haven't thrown up in two days and I feel dizzy at moments."

Like when I kiss Edward Cullen.

The appointment went on.

He asked questions, I answered.

Back and forth.

Question after question.

Machines were used.

More questions.

Cold metal was placed on my skin.

Naked to the doctor.

Not feeling beautiful like Edward called me.

But feeling like a sick patient.

More questions.

My mind wasn't there anymore.

It was thinking about what Jacob was doing now that he didn't have me as a burden.

Or what my parents were doing with my step-sibling/angel now. Probably making dinner and singing songs. Probably happy.

That's the way it should be.

The appointment ended with plans and I was given a number.

A month to a year.

A whole year to live.

A whole month to die.

I thanked the doctor for doing what he could, telling him I'd be back in a few weeks to check in on things.

I walked out with my bag, headed for my hotel. I was ready for a bath and bed and maybe a meal of saltine crackers and sprite.

The hotel wasn't five-star.

But it did have a bed and a shower.

It was fine. Not good, but fine.

I took a lukewarm shower, just for kicks.

I got dressed in pajamas and looked at the clock.

6:04.

I love my life.

* * *

**I got this idea from a sad song, some wine, and watching Stepmom three times. That Susan Sarandon makes me cry my heart out. HOW DOES SHE DO IT?!**

**Oh and btw. This is fiction. Which means one thing: anything can happen.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well. This is interesting. I'm actually updating fairly quickly.**

**Hope you like it?**

**P.S.** **Emmettbitmejelousemuch** **my heart goes out to you. If this story, IN ANY WAY, is just too offensive or you don't like something, TELL ME AT ONCE. I will respect you and your opinion. You get to be the driver on that bus.**

and a special thanks to all you funny reviewers. I'm glad I can make you laugh because you make me laugh just as hard.

**Disclaimer: I don't own any Edward Cullens or Bella Swans. But I do own all the songs talked about in this story and I sing to them naked...a lot. :P**

**

* * *

**

I cleaned up the bathroom and turned out the lights. I lay in bed for awhile, thinking about what I was going to do when I got back home.

Home?

Whatever.

I should start writing my next column.

About what?

I started to drift off to sleep when I heard thumping on my door. I shot up and could feel my heart racing, the adrenaline pumping through me. I opened the door quickly and sighed delightfully.

Edward Cullen.

"Miss me that much?" I teased.

"More than you know," Edward said as he pressed me into the door, his lips finding mine once more for the day. His hands were on my breasts, squeezing and pressing, making me feel beautiful like he always did. His tongue slid over my lip and I opened my lips to allow him entrance. He moaned in pleasure as my body hummed in enjoyment.

"You came all this way for a kiss?" I said breaking away.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you," he breathed into my neck, still clutching me to him.

"Mmm," I moaned as he kissed the sensitive flesh.

"How was your appointment?"

"A month to a year," I mumbled.

"We can work with that."

We?

Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. Pitter fucking patter.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm inviting you to dinner at my house."

"With the esteemed father?"

"I need someone to go into battle with."

"I'm in pajamas."

"I honestly don't care what you wear, just as long as you come."

"I'm not going in my pajamas."

"Then go change, I'll wait." I opened the door and let him come inside as I went to my bag and pulled out a few extra clothes I brought. Edward didn't seem too dressed up and so I followed his dress code.

I was glad the lights were off so he couldn't see anything. I dressed quickly as he sat on the bed, tapping his foot nervously and running his hands through his hair.

"Okay, I'm ready." Edward shot up and grabbed my hand. He quickly walked out of the hotel with my hand still clasped in his.

How different we were.

My cold hand in his warm hand.

How similar we were.

Both flushed from kissing.

"Where are we going to dinner exactly?" I asked as he hailed a cab.

"Our house," he said.

"Are you nervous?" I asked.

"No."

"Are you sweating?"

"No."

"Yes you are."

He didn't say anything, just ushered me into the cab.

"You okay?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm fine," Edward replied.

But I knew different.

I grabbed his hand and kissed his palm.

"It'll be okay."

He seemed to relax and calm down.

We stayed silent until we reached a building, looking something like apartments.

"An apartment?"

"A hotel suite."

"Top floor?"

"Only the best for the esteemed father."

"Where do they think you went?"

"I haven't been here yet today."

"Where have you been?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

"You."

Me?

ME!

I smirked, it was the only thing I could manage to do.

We walked the stairs, hand in hand, and stayed silent.

The top floor was just as it should be: extravagant, perfection, and rich.

"We couldn't have taken the elevator?"

"I wanted more time with you."

I stopped.

"Why are you being so nice?"

Edward frowned at me.

"Because I'm trying to make up for the mess that we're about to walk into."

Suddenly, I was nervous.

Edward shouted hello and we waited.

It was like waiting for a lion to come out of his den and ravish upon you.

An elegant-looking woman showed up. She wore pearls, her hair in a tight bun, with a martini.

How proper.

She smiled tightly at Edward and hugged him.

When I say hugged, I mean she put two arms around him, patted him on the back, all while trying not to get too close.

I stifled laughter.

I never tried to stay away from Edward.

"Mother," Edward announced. "This is Isabella Swan. The writer I told you about."

"Aw yes," his mother nodded.

"Isabella Swan, this is my mother, Esme Cullen."

"It's nice to meet you," I extended my hand.

She looked at it with disdain.

Before the moment could turn more awkward, a man came in.

"Father, this is Isabella Swan. Isabella Swan, this is Carlisle Cullen."

I offered my hand to him, he took it cautiously.

Did Edward tell them I have cancer? They do know that you can't catch it, right?

"It's good to see you, son."

Edward nodded in return and they led us into the living room. I didn't even look at the furniture for I knew I'd be jealous and feel poor.

Esme sat down and Carlisle joined her, just after topping off her martini and fixing him a drink.

That's okay, I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

Maybe when they talk with Edward, I can sneak a shot of tequila.

"So when did you get in?" Esme asked.

"Earlier today," Edward answered. We sat on the couch opposite of them.

I studied them: their proper clothes, their straight faces, and perfect poses.

Dorothy, we are definitely not in Kansas anymore.

The silence was fun.

I moved my lips back and forth from side to side. I looked up at the ceiling. I even tried to start conversations with Mrs. Cullen about her pleasant-looking home.

Yes, I call her Mrs. Cullen because calling her Esme sounds like a lie. You call someone by their first name when you are friends, enemies, acquaintances with them. But she and I were none of those.

We were just connected by a man, her son.

She practically ignored me. Even when Edward tried to talk about me, about my work, she wouldn't even look at me. Instead she focused on the hem of her skirt, on the invisible dirt underneath her nails, and even eyed the box of cigars sitting on the end table near me.

Hell, even I eyed those.

"Oh, Edward, you'll never guess who I ran into today at Javier's'," Mrs. Cullen gushed.

"I'm sure it was no one I care about," Edward said under his breath.

"Speak up when you talk, dear."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Edward cleared his throat. "Who was it?"

"Paula and Rachel!" Mrs. Cullen's face smiled for the first time.

"Why would I care that you ran into them?" Edward asked quizzically.

"Well, you did date both of them," Mrs. Cullen responded as if he just asked the stupidest question.

"Mom, that was years ago. I was a teenager and I'm sure they are completely different now."

"Well, they really have grown into their looks," Mrs. Cullen replied with a devilish grin.

"I sure hope so," Edward replied. "Paula had frizzy hair and it stuck in her mouth all the time. Rachel had a missing tooth, right in the middle."

"Edward, don't be rude. I'm sure Becca (I'm assuming she's talking to me since she nodded in my direction) does not appreciate your rude behavior. Besides Rachel received a denture and Paula's hair was straight and blonde. You like blondes, remember that? You told me when you were sixteen."

I couldn't help but notice her emphasis on the word "blonde".

"No, I prefer brunettes," Edward replied easily.

"Rachel is a brunette," Mrs. Cullen replied, still smiling like Satan.

So that's where Edward got that Cheshire cat grin.

I would never see it the same way again.

"Mom, I don't care."

"Well why don't I give them your number and you guys can catch up?"

Let's keep pretending that I'm not here, K? Thanks.

"I don't want them having my number," Edward shook his head.

"Well why not? I thought you liked them. You must have since you dated them."

"I only dated them because they let me play with their tits and Rachel let me go to third base with her."

I bit my tongue as hard as I could to stop laughing. I'm sure I could taste blood.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! That language is not tolerated in this house."

I looked to see Mr. Cullen reading the paper, completely ignoring the conversation at hand.

Edward said nothing, just looked at the clock.

I heard a knock at the door and Mrs. Cullen stood up, adjusted her skirt, and practically floated to the front door.

"Run while you have a chance," Edward whispered towards me.

"We still have to sneak past Big Daddy-o over there," I replied.

"Carlisle is too drunk to notice anything."

"He's drunk?"

"Over the years he's accomplished being able to be the 'silent drunk' type. After living with Esme Anne Platt Evenson for the majority of his life, he has achieved being able to get drunk at the perfect moments."

"The man is pro."

"Fo' sho."

In came Mrs. Cullen with a short-haired woman behind her and a blonde-haired man trailing behind her. The tiny-framed woman looked irritated and was pulling the man by then hand into the room; he looked uncomfortable and severely hoping to leave quickly.

I think I might make a new friend tonight.

The two sat down on the other love seat and instantly looked bored. Mrs. Cullen started chatting away to the woman and the woman stayed silent, looking everywhere but at Mrs. Cullen. She pulled the same tricks: picking at her clothes, filing her nails, and even looking at the cigar box to my side.

She's got to be her daughter.

"Alice, are you even listening?" Mrs. Cullen snapped.

"Now, who do we have here?" Alice said looking at me. Mrs. Cullen threw her hands in the hair at defeat and went into the kitchen to check on food. I heard some loud voices, no doubt Mrs. Cullen yelling at some poor maid, threatening to deport her.

"Alice, this is Bella Swan," Edward introduced.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Alice said smiling.

Finally, a smile that I liked.

"The pleasure is mine, Edward has told me a lot about you."

"It's all true," she whispered as she hugged Edward. "This Jasper," she said motioning to the right.

"Hello," he spoke deeply. I smiled and Edward shook his hand in greeting.

"Jazz and Alice have been dating for a couple of years," Edward explained.

"Four to be counting," Alice said a little annoyed. "The man won't ask me to be his wife."

"Alice, not here," Jasper said rolling his eyes.

"And why not? Just because my mom won't let you ask me? I told you, I will elope," Alice said as she kissed his forehead.

"And I know the proper way to do this. My parents expect a big wedding just like yours do."

"Oh, pish-posh," Alice answered folding her arms. They went on arguing back and forth, fighting about how terrible each other's parents are.

"Jasper is perfect for her," Edward whispered. "Alice was always trying to get out of this house and run away to live a different life. Jasper is capable of living that different life, but maintaining a high-society life. He's a dream in Alice's eyes."

"Then why doesn't your mom let her marry him?"

"She's getting back at Alice for her teenage years."

"You're kidding me."

"My mother went through early menopause when Alice was going through puberty. It was like living with a cat and a dog who hated each other. When mom was stifling, Alice was freezing. When mom was crying about not being able to have any more kids, Alice was cheering that she was able to have them."

"I'm guessing that is around the time your father got good at being a silent-drunk, right?" I asked.

"Right," Edward chuckled. "Would you like something to drink?"

"I'm fine," I replied. Edward got up, fixed a drink and then handed it to me.

"I don't think that was the correct answer. When offered a drink in this house, you _always _take it."

"Because it's rude to decline?"

"No, because you are going to need to be a little bit drunk."

"How about a whole lot?" I replied.

"Alice, guess who I ran into today?" Mrs. Cullen was back. She was frowning at Jasper's hand atop of Alice's and was trying to retract her claws, I mean nails.

Alice didn't reply, just kept swirling her drink in her glass.

"Paula and Rachel," Mrs. Cullen ignored her daughter's silence. "They look lovely; do you remember when you were good friends with them?"

"Isn't Rachel the one who let you go to third base, Edward?" Alice looked at him.

"That's the one," Edward said raising his own drink and taking a large gulp. He elbowed me and I started to take a sip. I watched him to let me know when I could stop drinking but he never stopped tilting the glass through the silence.

"Alice," Mrs. Cullen warned. I finally got it.

Edward was saving me from having to talk.

"What, mother?" Alice said irritated.

"What's the matter, dear?" Mrs. Cullen said in a pout-like way. "Are you and Jasper having problems?"

Jasper chose that moment to get up and walk out of the room. Alice just watched him and sighed, then turned towards her mother.

"Jasper and I are getting married."

Mrs. Cullen's face turned green. She swallowed and straightened her back, and then placed her hands in her lap.

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

Edward nudged me again to take a sip and I started downing the last of the mixture.

"I don't think so, Mary Alice."

"You have no say," Alice replied.

"You want us to pay for the wedding, don't you?"

"I don't need to have a big wedding. Jasper and I were thinking about going to town hall, just the two of us and Edward. He can be our witness." Edward was still tilted back with his glass.

"Edward won't do that. He'll want us to help him with his wedding I'm sure. Though Rachel and Paula's parents could easily afford it."

"Mom, I'm sorry to break it to you, but you're not important in Jasper's and my relationship. We love each other and you are going to lose your daughter if you continue to act this way."

"Oh don't be silly," replied Mrs. Cullen. Alice rose silently and walked out of the room. Edward and I put the glasses on the table, no longer having anything to drink but crushed ice.

"Well, wasn't she the rude one," Mrs. Cullen exclaimed. "Carlisle, you might have to have a word with her on manners in front of her mother."

Mr. Cullen grunted.

"Madame, dinner is served," a stout maid came into the living to announce. We all shuffled to the dining room, Alice and Jasper walking in holding hands, both looking tired and worn.

"Let's eat," Mrs. Cullen waved to our seats. I sat down promptly and put the napkin on my lap. Soon wine and dinner was served and we were all shuffling food around on our plates as we listened to Mrs. Cullen.

"Now, Edward, back to what I was saying earlier. Rachel and Paula are still single and I think you should give them a call. Marriage should be in your future, dear."

_Don't do it, Bella._

"I mean, you can't just hang out with trashy girls, no offense, Brandy."

_It's Bella._

"It would be nice to have a spring wedding, the flowers will be in bloom and Reverend Tom can help us."

_Be nice._

"Besides, I'm getting old; don't you want me to have grandchildren before I die?"

_Keep silent._

"Edward, when are you going to get married to Rachel?"

_Stop, Bella._

"Edward, when are you going to get married to Paula?"

And then…I said something I shouldn't have.

"We're married!" I screamed.

Edward choked on his wine and then turned to me, his eyebrows raised.

I glared.

He stared.

I glared harder.

And then it happened.

Edward, Alice, and Mr. Cullen all started laughing.

Like tears rolling down the face.

Like clenching their stomachs.

Like gasping for air in between laughs.

And then there was Mrs. Cullen.

I made the mistake of looking at her expression.

_If looks could kill…_

The laughter eventually died down and Edward leaned over and kissed me on the mouth.

"That's why I married you," Edward said.

"Edward, you know better than to lie," Mrs. Cullen said promptly.

"Excuse me, mother?" Edward stated smiling at me.

"You know that it is unacceptable to lie in this house. Carlisle, I think you best show Benny her way out, right now."

"Esme, she's going nowhere."

He speaks!

Mr. Cullen defended me. I'm sure my mouth was hanging open because I felt Edward's hand push it closed.

"Excuse me, Carlisle?" Mrs. Cullen asked, her whole body shaking. Her jaw was clenched and I'm pretty sure I saw her exhale smoke.

"She's not going anywhere," he said smiling. "I like her."

Mrs. Cullen dropped her fork on her plate and proceeded to get up.

"Well if everyone will enjoy their meal, since I'm obviously not appreciated for anything, I'll be in my room." She shuffled out of the room, all of us silent.

"That's never happened before," Jasper explained.

"Not even after I joked about me not wanting children," Alice said amazed.

"Or I told her I was gay," Carlisle spoke.

I howled with laughter.

If the only way a man can get away from Mrs. Cullen was to say he's gay…then I wasn't so bad after all.

You can suck it, Jake.

Suck it long.

Suck it hard.

"Bella, I'm impressed," Carlisle began. "I didn't think you'd make it."

"So this was a test?"

"Not exactly. I know Esme isn't very warm, but I had my doubts."

"Well thank you, sir."

"So whose idea was it to tell her you're married? That was classic," Carlisle laughed.

"Dad, it wasn't a joke," Edward explained.

Carlisle just stared at Edward and me.

"Oh dear," Carlisle said, getting up and walking after Mrs. Cullen.

"Drinks? Jasper said smiling.

I didn't say anything.

Edward didn't say anything.

I felt that heaviness in my heart.

The kind that makes you feel like you have a 300-pound weight in your chest.

The kind that makes you want to cry or puke or just go to bed for the remainder of the week.

I felt light-headed and had a shortness of breath.

"I think I'll be going," I spoke softly. Edward didn't say anything. I rose and left him at the table, his eyes still watching his plate, his body not wavering. I went to the door, hearing Esme crying from her bedroom and Carlisle trying to calm her. I saw Alice and Jasper feeding each other olives from the bar. I felt alone and no one here to comfort me.

"You're not going anywhere," I heard someone speak to behind me. I felt a tug on the wrist and was pivoted around, facing Edward.

"Its fine, Edward."

"No it's not. I shouldn't…I shouldn't have brought you here."

"Why did you?" I looked to see Alice and Jasper watching us.

_Looks like we have an audience._

"Because I thought you could handle it."

"And now you don't?"

"Not if you are leaving."

"I just assumed it would be best if I left."

"And let _her_ win?"

I didn't say anything.

"Now I know that's not the real you," he laughed angrily.

I didn't say anything.

He tugged on my hand again and he practically ran down a hallway, pulling me with him.

He opened a door and then whipped me in with him. It was dark and I could make nothing out, but I knew that my body was pressed against the door and Edward's lips were on my cheek.

"Thanks for saying that out there," he breathed into my ear.

"Next time, grow a pair and say it yourself," I argued.

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Seeing your mom's face was priceless. I think I'm winning the 'who can piss off Mrs. Cullen the most' game."

"Game on," Edward replied.

"Now what do we do?"

"Want to make a memory?"

"What'd you have in mind?"

"Well I thought we could kill two birds with one stone."

"Which is?"

"Have sex at my parents' house and a personal fantasy of mine."

"Which is?" I asked again.

"Have sex in my old bed."

"Did Rachel or Paula get in this bed?"

"Fuck no," Edward answered.

"You know, I'm an easy lay."

"But a damn good one."

"I wish I could say the same about you."

"Then why do you keep coming back?"

"I'm secretly attracted to your father."

"What if I said he was gay?"

"All the good ones are," I joked.

"Shut up," Edward spoke before he kissed me, hard.

Oh sweet God.

* * *

**P.P.S. Carlisle is not gay...it was a joke. Esme is a mean girl in my story...it happens.**

**But...I love you? Does that make it better?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Another chapter. These things write themselves some times.**

**Except this chapter, I had to rewrite it four times. I was getting irritated with how things were going.**

**So I poured my heart into this chapter.**

**Thank you for the reviews. I'm glad you guys like it so much.**

**So this is the tearful chapter. It just has a lot of Bella's thoughts in it.**

But do me a favor, go to youtube and play GLITTERING BLACKNESS BY EXPLOSIONS IN THE AIR for this chapter.

Here's the url: .com/watch?v=qtD83arCtbU

**RECAP**: "Shut up," Edward spoke before he kissed me, hard.  
Oh sweet God.

* * *

Everything about Edward was hard.

His body, his kiss, his touch, and the words he spoke through a kiss.

The feelings were hard.

The emotions were hard.

The passion was hard.

His lips were warm against my cold ones, his red and mine pink.

I kissed him harder.

I didn't care if I hurt him, I wanted to feel.

If this was the last time I could be with anyone physically, then I was going to put my all into it.

I bit his lip as we tumbled around. I couldn't see anything; only heard the sounds of random objects being hit and our clothes rubbing against each other.

Edward pushed us on a bed, a twin size, limbs hitting the wall and shoes being kicked off.

"You better work fast, Romeo," I gasped between his lips on mine.

He didn't say anything, just pressed his wet lips to mine. His hands crushed me into his chest and my legs wrapped around his; our bodies entangled.

I never wanted to leave this uncomfortable position.

His hands were on my cheeks now, his lips slow and still hard.

His breath was ragged, his cheeks warm, and his whole body pushing for more.

We wanted more. More and more and more and more and more.

We couldn't get enough of each other and I wanted to cry for finding this man and laugh for the funny moments we had and smile for the bliss he brought me in the last twenty-four hours. For if I was to die in a month then this had been the happiest day of my life.

For one day, I wasn't sick.

For one day, I wasn't a problem.

I was alive and Bella. I was happy and witty. I was my old self, someone I had said goodbye to a long time ago. I wasn't beating myself up internally for what had happened to me, I wasn't asking why this had happened to me. I was rejoicing in the way this man made me feel and I was okay if it went all away tomorrow.

Because I had gotten this one day.

This one day was bigger than my parents getting back together.

It was bigger than having my sibling born.

It was bigger than moving away from everything I knew to be with Jake.

It was bigger than finding out I was dying.

This was the day I had started to live again.

Life was colorless, bland, and boring, _until today._ I was already letting the disease take over because that's what I thought was going to happen.

But Edward made me want to fight.

He made me not want to take this lying down. He made me want to stand on top of the world and scream a big "FUCK YOU!" to the sun.

To the air.

To the sky.

To the grass.

To the wonderful scent of the wind.

To all the things that I would miss.

The dirt.

The rain.

The clouds.

The sunlight.

The stars.

I was going to miss everything that most people took for granted.

And there was nothing I could do, except now.

I could live anyway I wanted to now.

In a short while, I would be gone, but I wasn't going down without a fight.

Bring it on, Cancer.

You don't scare me.

You don't make me nervous.

You make me appreciate harder.

You make me love harder.

You make me live harder.

Just like Edward's body.

Just like Edward's kiss.

Just like Edward's feelings.

They were hard.

I was hard.

We were hard.

Life was hard.

Everything is hard.

But that doesn't give me a reason to give up.

The best things in life are hard.

Edward was hard….and he was the best.

We weren't screwing each other's brains out.

Though I wasn't complaining.

We weren't making love.

We were living.

Living in the moment.

Living for the first time in months.

Living for the now.

So thank you, Cancer.

Thank you for pushing me.

Thank you for the wake-up call.

Thank you for making me clean out my life.

Goodbye, Jake.

Goodbye, parents.

You've made me happy.

But not as happy as I am right now.

Thank you, family.

Thank you, friends.

Thank you for affecting me in ways that changed me.

Because that's what people did in your life. They changed you based off of their beliefs, wants, and desires.

It doesn't take a lifetime to affect someone.

It takes two seconds. Because from the second I saw Edward, I knew he would affect me. I knew he would change me.

The man I had known the shortest amount of time, I had been changed the most from.

And so my biggest thanks of all, is to the man pressing into me hard. The one who is digging at my jeans, trying to unbutton them. The one who pushed my hands away when I tried to cover up my chest when he tore off my shirt. The one who is swirling his tongue around my naval, making me giggle and squeal like a schoolgirl. The one who is licking the crease between my thigh and hip bone. The one who is between my legs, pressing his tongue into me _hard._ The one who is causing me to squirm and having to push my legs back onto the bed because I'm so close. The one who is divulging into me, telling me secrets with his tongue, his kiss, his touch, his words, his feelings, his ways.

The glittering blackness took over as my whole body clenched when Edward pressed himself into me. The explosions in the darkness were majestic and made me want to scream poetry. I locked myself to him. He pushed deeper, sheathing himself completely in me. He grunted, I moaned, he groaned, I growled, he grumbled. I sucked on his neck to tease him into joining me in this divine bliss.

So maybe this malignant tumor growing was a blessing.

Crazy, isn't it? That something that is life-threatening is a blessing.

That if we didn't have the bad, we wouldn't want to move on and keep going; and if we were happy all the time, we'd want to stay in this one place, stationary. But because of this, this _thing_, I was going to keep going, move on as far as I could.

I sucked in a breath as his fingers danced across my skin and I said two words into his skin.

"Thank you."

And then he came as well.

His body trembled and I could feel my body fill with him, all the way to ears and down to my toes. I breathed happily and he breathed raggedly. I sighed in contentment and he chuckled. I kissed his chest and he smelled my hair.

The silence between us said it all.

We were good.

I was good.

He was good.

I was going to be okay.

Better than okay.

All because I had found something to live for.

Not for Edward.

Not for me.

But for this feeling.

This feeling of happiness.

Of giddiness.

Of jolly.

Of hope.

I wanted it and I wanted it all the time.

It was just a simple realization that life was a whole lot bigger than me and him, that I had no right to worry myself with his reaction because there were millions of others out there putting themselves on the line every day.

I am just a small fragment of all that chaos.

I closed my eyes and tried to remember this moment for anytime I need to think about it.

Edward sighed and traced my arm with his fingers, my fingers pressing into his sides. We lay there for a few minutes, silent, until we started hearing people out in the living room.

"Let's just stay in here forever," Edward said against my head.

"No, I need to get up and go on," I said absentmindedly.

"You're going to be okay," Edward whispered.

"I know that now."

"Better than okay."

"I'm going to be good."

"You already are good."

I unwrapped myself from his arms and started getting dressed. Edward sat up in bed, wrapped his arms around me, his hand palming my chest.

My scars.

My insecurities.

My deformity.

But also, my drive.

My drive to be better.

To be harder.

I accepted my fate. Whatever it may be.

If I live, I live.

If I die, I die.

But I will live until the end.

Whenever that may be.

Everyone has to die some time.

I am okay with that, now.

All because of this man and the way he made me feel.

Feelings I hadn't _truly _felt, until now.

"Don't let this take you away," Edward whispered into my shoulder blade.

"I'm not," I replied. "I'm in control of it."

"That's my girl."

"Why do you think we met?"

"It was destiny."

And before I could start crying or laughing or say something smartass.

His mother walked in.

I whipped on my shirt, hopefully before she could see anything.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"

"Mom, get out," Edward said laughing.

I chuckled too.

Carlisle was behind her, shaking his head. His back was to us, to give us some privacy.

Unlike Mrs. Cullen.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, what's gotten into you?"

"Actually I think he got into me," I responded giggling.

Edward snorted.

I laughed harder.

My stomach hurt from all the laughter.

I gripped the sheets, digging my nails into them, trying to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

This was fabulous.

The embarrassment, the post-coital atmosphere, and the epiphany couldn't help but make me break out in smile.

Because when you're embarrassed, all you can do is smile.

Because when you've just been laid, all you can do is smile.

Because when you've figure out a life lesson, all you can do is smile.

"Get out of my house," Mrs. Cullen seethed.

I grabbed my jeans and yanked them.

Probably just showing Mrs. Cullen my hoo-ha.

But I doubt she has seen hers in awhile.

She needs to get laid.

Carlisle Cullen, you need to tap that.

I grabbed my shoes and squeezed past the onlookers.

I walked down the hall, smiling and listening to a melody in my head.

One that made me happy and excited for the future.

I kept walking, my head held up high, past Jasper and Alice looking at me stunned.

Past the sounds of Mrs. Cullen yelling at Edward.

Past the famous portraits of family members.

Past the life I would never be a part of.

They would forget me.

They would move on.

I would never forget them though.

I would remember them as long as I could.

They made me realize.

They made me think.

They made me live.

So maybe Jake wasn't the problem.

Maybe he cared.

Maybe I didn't want someone who cared.

I wanted someone who made me live.

Who was the reason to get out of bed in the morning.

But it couldn't be someone else.

It had to be for me.

It had to be to not be defeated.

It had to be to win.

I was a winner.

I was a fighter.

I might lose this fight.

But I wouldn't be defeated.

I walked to the stairs, walked down them.

A hop in my step.

A skip in my stride.

I walked out into the night and for the first time, I looked at my surroundings.

I saw people laughing. I saw people joking. I saw friends. I saw families.

I wasn't jealous for the first time.

I was happy that I got to see it.

I smiled the whole way back to my hotel.

The room was dark and everything lay right where I left it. I sat down on the bed and fell backwards, sighing.

Over and over again.

Just to calm the happy in my heart.

I don't know why I was so happy.

Maybe it was because I was alive.

Or I knew when I was going to leave this celestial planet unlike most people.

I knew something that most people wanted to know.

I grabbed the phone, dialing a number I knew by heart.

"Hello?" I heard a groggily voice speak.

"I miss you," I whispered.

"Bella?"

"Yea, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. If I ever did something to hurt you."

"Babe, who is that?" I heard in the background.

"Looks like I didn't hurt you too bad," I sighed.

This wouldn't ruin my night.

It hurt a little.

But considering that I had something growing in my chest that hurt a lot, I could take this.

"Bella, I can explain."

"You don't have to."

"No, you don't understand."

"Goodnight, Jake. I'll be home tomorrow to get my things."

I hung the phone up and curled into a ball.

I stayed with Jake for so long and I guess I didn't see him moving on so fast.

As fast as I did.

I was happy for him.

He was my friend.

He had been for a long time.

I couldn't sleep.

I needed to not waste time, do something, plan, make decisions, live, anything.

I walked to the window and stared out the window, and then it hit me.

I was fully aware that I was dying alone.

The tears started. They escaped from my eyes and poured out of my soul, sobs escaped and burned my chest, making me cough and grip my deformed chest. The wet drops burned the corners of my eyes and made it hard to breathe. The blubbering ripped through my chest and made me cry harder, never wanting to give up this beautiful life I had been given.

I had been blessed and I had been given a gift.

A gift of life; hopes and dreams came and went, but a life, now that was something you could never come and go.

I swallowed the tears, tasted the salt running down my throat, and tried to cease the red nose, the puffy eyes, and the swollen lips.

I had been so happy to be alive that I forgot that it was okay to be sad.

I wanted to be so happy that I forgot that I needed to deal with the sadness first.

I was grateful I had been alone when I fell to pieces, had my heart broken at the realization that this was it.

This was the end of my life and the beginning of the end.

What happens when you die?

I couldn't even think about that question right now, it hurt too much.

I couldn't focus on just dying and that is it.

No there had to be something else.

A heaven. Or a place to go to be eternally happy.

Just like I was tonight.

I heard a knock on my door.

It was three in the morning, who would be coming here? I wiped my face and stretched it out, hoping to hide the unmistakable signs that I had been crying. I opened the door and found him standing there.

He held up a bag of Chinese takeout.

"Let's eat," he ordered. He marched in and started throwing boxes on the bed. I followed him and got under the covers, my arm underneath my head, holding it up. He passed me chopsticks and I took them and started shoveling orange chicken into my mouth.

"I would sell my body for orange chicken" I spoke.

"That's why I brought it."

"You trying to get laid again?"

"I will always be trying to get into your pants."

"I think you mean, try to get me out of my pants."

"That too."

"Mmm," I hummed as the tangy flavor hit my senses and made life seem a little less difficult.

"Orange chicken makes everything better," he replied.

"You have no idea."

"How are things?"

"Good. I got through the crying and now I think I'll just be getting weaker without any of the sad-looking eyes or the tearful goodbyes on my end."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"It does in my world, so don't be a butthead."

"A butthead?"

"Your face kind of looks like an ass."

"Does your ass have perfectly-structured jaws?"

"No, but it is smooth like your cheeks."

"Which cheeks are we talking about?"

"Your face," I said pressing my finger on his strong cheekbone.

We stayed silent.

"How's your mom?"

"Well after you so rudely left me there, I got lectured on how I am spending time with the wrong sort of people and that I need to get my act together."

"Sounds harsh, Momma's Boy."

"I think it was after Esme's voice got higher and higher, breaking her good glassware, that I realized something."

"And what's that?"

"That I am taking you to the next family gathering."

"I bet your mom loves Jasper now."

"Oh she's already planning their wedding, Alice says thanks."

"Well at least some good came of it."

"More than you know, actually. Carlisle and I actually had a real conversation in years after you left."

"Was it about how I have a crush on blonde married men?"

"It was about how happy I am."

"Are you happy?"

"You know, I'm still figuring that out."

"I'm happy," I replied.

"You sure look happy."

"Well before the tear-fest, I couldn't stop smiling. Even after I called Jake who was in bed with another girl."

"What did bitch-tits say?"

"That he wanted to explain."

"What did you say?"

"That I'd be home to get my stuff in the morning."

"When is your train leaving?"

"Five. I need to start packing up and getting a move on."

We ate more orange chicken, telling stories of dreams, desires, and childhoods. He asked about my family, and I told him the basics.

That I didn't belong in the picture.

He scoffed.

And I told him I wasn't looking for pity. I was fine with it.

Because I was.

Just because someone is blood-related to you doesn't make them family.

He agreed with that.

I said they didn't need a burden on them. It would be cruel to put that on someone.

I packed my stuff up in my bag and put on my jacket.

Edward through the trash away and picked up his guitar case.

"Do you ever go anywhere without that?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"She's the love of my life," Edward replied.

"It is a guitar."

"I was talking about you."

I blushed.

I fucking blushed.

FUCK MY LIFE.

Could you just get it together?

Like seriously, Bella. The boy says one thing and you blush.

Way to fucking go.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!

We walked out of the hotel, after paying the cheap bill, and grabbed a taxi to the train station. I hadn't asked Edward what he was doing. He should be going home to his family, not accompanying me to the train station.

We split the taxi and I walked to get my ticket. After receiving it, I searched for Edward until I saw him at the ticket booth. He walked toward me after he was done.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I can't let my wife travel alone."

His smirk was tantalizing.

DAMN YOU!

"Cut the crap, Cullen."

"Now, is that any way to talk to your hubby?"

"I can't believe I married you," I said pushing his head away from me while we walked toward the train.

"Look, we're already fighting like an old-married couple."

We joked. We laughed. We argued. We yelled. We made faces. We smirked. We smiled.

We were good.

Goodbye New York.

Hello unknown.

* * *

**So I know it looks like Bella is bipolar...going from happy to sad so quickly.**

**But she's dealing with so many emotions below the surface that she doesn't even get it. It's going to boil and boil until she just gets it out. Who knows when she's going to burst and just break down?**

**The anger at Jake, the hurt from her parents, the intense feelings she has for Edward, the way she was treated by Esme...it's a lot to deal with and she's doing the best she can.**

**Remember, this is a journey. Edward is having his own dilemmas. But he got through one of them today: his relationship with Carlisle. It was a big thing for him, all thanks to Bella.**

**They're both falling in love with each other and they don't know it. One of the main things I wanted Bella to learn she learned in this chapter: that you need the bad to get to the good. Make sense?**

**Thoughts??**

**P.S. To answer some questions. Yes, it is kind of like Gilmore dinners. LOL. and American Idol should be done naked. Also, Carlisle gay? I'd cry my eyes out. Robert Pattinson gay? I'd get surgery to become a man (ha only you guys would understand an obsession like that). Esme bitchy? It's fun. There was one draft I had where she said some REALLY mean things to Bella...I felt hurt just typing them. And last but not least, I'm sorry if you read this and woke up your brother... but that is quite hilarious and I applaude you.**


	6. Chapter 6

**My bad if you got this twice. FF is pissing me off.**

**Thanks for all the reviews and support. Especially the funny comments, they make my day so much better.**

**Another chapter. Let's hit play...**

* * *

"Would you just get on your side?" I asked for the millionth time, except this time I threw in an elbow in the ribs.

"I'd rather just get inside you."

"Classy."

"You know what they say about musicians," he replied chuckling.

"No, what do they say?"

He stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I don't really know…I don't have a witty remark to that…I was just putting it out there."

"Epic fail, Eddy."

"Don't call me that."

"Will you get back on your own side if I do?"

"I like the Bella who tells me to shut up all the time, what happened to her?"

"She showed your mother her bearded oyster and ran away."

"Sounds like my kind of girl."

"Do your parents even know you've left?"

"No."

"That's stupid."

"Do your parents know you went to New York this week?"

I didn't answer.

"That's what I thought."

"Shut up."

"There's my Bella!" He was grinning.

That evil, Mrs. Cullen, Cheshire cat grin.

I flinched.

He raised an eyebrow.

"You look like Satan when you smile like that."

"Hey, don't talk about my mother like that."

I laughed and applauded him on that remark.

"I like your crooked smile."

"What the hell is a crooked smile? It sounds like my smile is broken."

"No, just cute. It's not like your brain, it actually works."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. Why do you like my crooked smile so much?"

"It reminds me of your father."

Edward moved back to the other side.

And pouted.

VICTORY!

I stretched out on the bench and watched out the window. I watched the same scenery pass by, only in reverse motion. The trees were the same color, nothing had changed.

Except for me.

And I'm pretty sure Mrs. Cullen was changed too; never again could she look at Edward's bedspread and not think of me.

I smiled to myself.

"Who is smiling like my mother now?" Edward asked.

I stopped smiling immediately.

"I'm hungry."

"You just had orange chicken."

"I have cancer."

"Like that really works, try 'I'm horny' then maybe I'll do something."

"Ass."

"Pig."

"That sounds good too. Let's get some pork fried rice."

"Now you're making me hungry."

"So get some food."

"Why do I have to do it?"

"Because…I said so."

"Oh real mature."

"Okay, how about I embarrassed the hell out of myself in front of your family, my ex-boyfriend moved on more quickly than I did, and I have a month to a year to live?"

"I'll go find something."

Edward left and I grabbed my mom's diary and my iPod.

"I Love Rain the Most" by Joe Purdy and Renee Swan's words.

Nothing better.

_Today, we brought home Bella's sister. She is the most gorgeous baby in the world. She has my light hair and Charlie's dark eyes, unlike Bella who has Charlie's muddy hair and his eyes. She was an easy delivery, I was practically laughing the whole time. Charlie even enjoyed himself, which most men wouldn't have, and I was thankful he didn't leave me for a second, determined to see this new baby come into the world. This heavenly infant floated into the world on a cloud and is a bundle of perfection…_

I couldn't read anymore.

It was just too…much.

I wasn't jealous of my step-sister's adoration. But it made my stomach nauseous and a weight come over my body. Over my eyelids, over my stomach, over my shoulders, and even over tongue.

It was one of those insecurities where you weren't sure if you were good enough.

I knew Charlie and Renee loved me.

Excuse me, I mean _Mom _and _Dad._

But they weren't like normal parents. They let their love for the new daughter take over and I became Bella…the _other_ one.

The sister.

The daughter.

Never, Bella.

Just someone's relative.

I once thought about writing down everything in my life too, sort of a present for my mom, and send it to her.

Let her see how I saw the life we had.

But I wasn't going to ruin another person's day, week, month, life, or whatever.

I'm just going to live my life the way I want to and die peacefully.

They were happy. I didn't want to ruin that. Who could blame me?

The door opened and I put the diary away, feeling better once it was out of sight: like it didn't exist.

"There is nothing to eat," Edward whined and then sat down on me.

"God you weigh a ton, I might just eat you."

"Can I _eat _you?" He smirked.

I shoved him off.

He hit the floor.

I sighed and looked out the window.

"I'm a scary grinner and you are the sigh-and starer."

"Yea, well, bite me."

"I just asked if I could." His eyebrows went up and down, like the cocky, arrogant man he was.

And God, I loved it.

_You mean him._

IT.

I loved _IT._

Shut up, Conscience.

"We should have stolen food from my parent's house."

"Sorry, I was too busy flashing your mom."

"You've said that like a million times, you need new material."

"Well, until you show my mom your twig and berries, you have no room to talk."

"You're comparing it to a twig? Now, we both know you didn't fake those orgasms."

"It was a figure of speech."

"You could have said…cannon and cannonballs."

"That is stupid."

"Not as stupid as twig and berries."

"But it's much shorter."

"Oh, so now you're saying I don't have any…length?"

I smiled.

The "Mrs. Cullen" smile.

Edward cringed.

"Okay I see what you mean about that smile."

I smiled wider.

"Anything else you'd like to say about my package? You want to start bagging on my girth? You know, I think you've already cut off my balls and made them earrings."

"You like my small stones?" I said pointing to my ears.

Edward didn't look amused.

"You're the spawn of Satan."

"Technically, you are."

He banged his head against the wall, he still sat on the ground.

"Just so you know, I hate you," he said absentmindedly.

"I remember you telling me that you liked me yesterday. I was the one who didn't feel that way."

"Well now that I know you, I have made an executive decision not to like you."

"Yea, you and your mother."

"Your mom," Edward chuckled, mimicking me. I rolled my eyes, but snickered right after. A good "your mom" joke was always funny, but hilarious at just the right moment. Also, finishing every sentence with "in bed" or "if you know what I mean" was equally uproarious.

"I don't think I will ever forget the look on her face when I told her we were married."

"I can't wait for Christmas, with all the relatives there, and you telling her that I impregnated you."

"You think I'll be here then?" I said cynically.

"Not with that attitude," he replied.

And I don't know why.

But I snapped.

"Oh really, Edward. Well, what kind of attitude should I have? 'Cuz I really would like to know what you did when you had cancer, oh that's right, you have never had it!"

"Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I don't know what it's like to lose a friend or—"

"Or what? You know what it's like to be dying? Well, please, tell me! What is it like? I'd really like to know."

My tone was an octave higher than yelling.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?" I was standing up, chest to chest, with him.

"I just meant that you should be positive."

"Oh bullshit, don't even try and act like Jake."

He looked like I had just shot him.

The anger wiped away from his face, white took over and he looked pale.

Like he was deathly.

Like me.

"Edwa—"

"Don't." He said putting his hand up. "Don't you ever say that I am anything like that idiot."

And then he left.

He just walked out.

_Great, Bella. Another one bites the dust._

Shut up, Conscience.

I felt the fury dissipate and weakness take over. I sat down, taking deep breaths, trying to stay conscious.

In and out. In and out. In and out. I let my chest inhale with as much oxygen as I could and exhale the same amount.

_Good, very good, Bella._

My conscience also thought it had a MD and was my personal physician.

I didn't know where Edward was but I wasn't sure I cared.

_Of course you do._

Okay, really, Conscience. I'm going to rip you out and feed you to the birds if you don't shut up.

What did I even say that upset him? _Don't be like Jake._ Well that's not harsh at all. I wasn't Jake's biggest fan at the moment and Edward was nothing like him, which is why I liked him so much.

That and the delicious sex-hair he is always sporting.

Oh whatever, Edward will get over it.

And just like that, the door was opening and in came Edward.

"Speak of the devil," I spoke.

He said nothing, just sat down and stared out the window.

"This is the part where you make a joke about you not being your mother," I quipped.

He continued staring.

And then he looked down at his hands.

"Don't ever say I am like Jake. I've been a much better friend than Jake ever was," he said stiffly.

"You think Jake wasn't a good friend?" I scoffed. "Jake took care of me, that would constitute him as a good friend in most peoples' books."

"Well not in mine, alright?"

"What constitutes a good friend then, _in your book_?" I crossed my arms.

"I don't need someone holding my hair when I puke over the toilet, I've got two hands. I don't need someone making me ABC soup and adding oyster crackers, I've got two legs. And I don't need someone pretending that I don't exist anymore because I have a sickness that will eventually kill me."

We didn't speak for several minutes.

"You may be right that you don't need someone to hold your hair or make you soup, but it sure beats the hell out of getting up and doing it yourself when you'd rather just lay in bed and wait to die," I spoke as my voice rose. "And you may be right that Jake acted like I wasn't there anymore, just some patient to take care, but he was caring. He was there every day making sure I had soup and my hair was out of my face. So excuse me for telling you not to be like that, that I'm a patient for you to take care of. But now that I think about it, I'm glad he did it for me."

"So you're allowed to speak badly about him and how much he just didn't get 'it' but the rest of us aren't?"

"No, I shouldn't have even said those things. I was biting the hand that fed me and I feel terrible about that. I was just so scared that that was my life. I was scared that I would stay in bed every day, slowly dying, and Jake would just be there with a smile and a wet towel. He was a good friend, maybe not in your definitions or mine, but as everyone else would call it, he was there for me. And that's all you can ask of people."

Edward shook his head and scoffed. "You think that's caring?"

"Absolutely," I answered before he could continue. "Because I don't want to die alone and I know that without Jake, I would have." Tears had started at the corners of my eyes.

I wish I was born without tear ducts.

Edward and I stared at each other for several minutes, until I knew I was going to break down. I turned my head away from him and focused on the wall, allowing my tears to evaporate and not leak down my face.

"Then by your definitions, you don't care about me," Edward replied matter-of-factly.

"What are you talking about?"

"You think a friend who cares would humiliate you to your mother? You think a friend who cares would dump something as big as marriage on their friends' parents? Because in relation to what you just said that would mean you don't care about me at all."

"Humiliate you? Humiliate you to your mother? Edward who was the one who just threw me to the sharks? Your mother hated me from the moment she saw me and you did nothing, NOTHING, to help me. You just let her ravage upon me until I had no choice. I was drowning and you didn't help, so I pulled you under with me. If I'm going, you're going too."

"I'm sure your precious Jake would have saved you."

"Oh stop with the whining," I said getting up, starting to pace. "You did nothing to help me and I was defenseless. I was the runt and you gave me up to the bully."

"You could stop with the metaphors," Edward sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"So don't you dare say that I humiliated you! Don't you ever, EVER, say that I humiliated you! I was humiliated. And the best part? I just let it happen. I stayed for you! So that means that I don't care? Well…then I'm done not caring."

"You know what Bella? In a couple of hours you will be rid of me and we'll never see each other again."

"Yea, well I'm okay with that."

"Good."

"Good."

We sat on our benches.

Still angry.

Still hurt.

And still annoyed.

But we didn't speak.

We didn't look at each other. _Much._

I stared out the window, listening to music that made me envision me beating Edward Cullen to a pulp and then hiding the body parts in random luggage throughout the train.

I kept repeating the same words in my head.

_Murder is against the law._

_Murder is against the law._

_Murder is against the law._

_It's illegal._

_It's illegal._

_You will go to jail._

_You will go to jail._

And then the other side of my brain was saying something completely different.

_No one would know._

_No one would know._

_We could hide the evidence._

_We could hide the evidence._

_Take him out with his guitar._

_Take him out with his guitar._

_Take him out with his guitar._

The sun was taking over the sky now and daylight was full effect. I hadn't slept in a couple of days and my body was becoming exhausted, but I had a strange feeling that if I went to sleep, something bad would happen.

Edward would go through my things.

Edward would suffocate me to death.

But worst of all, Edward would leave.

My mind was playing tricks on me and I was starting to lose my focus, everything blurry.

And then my body shifted and I was lying on the bench.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?" I heard Edward say, but his face was too fuzzy.

"My body…it's…tired…" I whispered.

"Shh, I got you, everything is going to be okay." I felt arms wrap around me and bring me to the floor, still being supported by his body.

I don't remember saying thank you, but I do remember thinking it.

Hopefully, it transferred out.

I fell asleep and dreamt of nothing.

When I woke, I was still in the same position.

I made a funny gurgling noise and Edward shifted, to see my face I presume.

"You're up," he whispered as he brushed the hair out of my face.

He cared.

I smiled slightly, still groggy.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in reply.

"It's no big deal. It's probably my fault for keeping you up and not letting you get any rest."

"No, I mean for your mom."

"I was angry; I didn't mean any of the things I said. I actually enjoyed watching you getting my mom in a frenzy."

"Really?"

"Really. And what I said about Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't mean that either. I just…just didn't want to think that I could never fill his shoes."

"Are you planning on being around?"

Please say yes.

Please say yes.

Please say yes.

"Well, you are my wife."

A slight smirk came to his lips.

We were okay.

Not good, but okay.

"How long do we have before we get home?"

"Less than an hour."

"I slept that long?"

"Instead of saying a smartass comment, I'm just going to nod my head," Edward replied nodding.

We were going to be good.

"You must be sore from being in this position for so long."

"I'm okay, do you still feel dizzy?"

"A little. I need to get some crackers in my stomach, they are in my bag, will you get them for me?"

Edward grabbed the sack and gave me a couple of crackers to chew on.

They felt wonderful to my body.

"About what you said about being scared that your life was just full of days in bed and watching Jake act like nothing was wrong?"

I nodded for him to go on.

"Why did that bother you?"

"Because…it wasn't….enough."

"But someone cared for you," Edward spoke solemnly. "Someone cared about you enough to put your needs in front of his own."

I never thought about it like that.

"It felt more like I was a chore."

Edwards eyebrows knitted together.

"Like I didn't exist, just a corpse to be fed.

He still didn't understand.

"I wanted more. I didn't want to die that way. I would have rather had sex in your mom's house and been married in a moving vehicle than lay in that bed and just let death claim me."

And then he smiled.

He understood.

I didn't want Jake to just let me lay there. I wanted him to push me into living. I wanted him to keep me going.

But he gave up.

I could see it on his face.

So I packed my bags and went to New York.

And I found Edward.

"That's why I like you so much," Edward smiled. His fingers were playing with the ends of my hair.

"You just have to see that I know when my end is going to be, it's coming, and I want to live life to the fullest for as long as I can."

"Then I have a plan."

"Which is?"

"You'll see."

The smile.

The smirk.

The raised eyebrows.

They were all there.

But I wasn't scared.

I was happy.

This feeling was back and he brought it.

Again.

And again.

And again.

"When will I know this plan?"

"When we get off the train."

I couldn't figure out what he had up his sleeve, but I was excited for it.

Because it meant more time with him.

"I need to go make some calls, you should sleep some more. We're going to have a lot to do."

I nodded as Edward lifted me and then placed me back down so he could leave.

"You trust me?" He whispered as he brushed back my hair.

He cared.

"Yes," I yawned.

He kissed my temple and then I heard the door shut behind him.

Before I could even think of what was to come, my body yanked me back into another dreamless sleep.

* * *

**Well because of this chapter, the story might be a little longer than usual.**

**So their first fight. Aren't they just the cutest?**

**Thoughts??**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello. Been a few days. This chapter isn't the greatest...but I hope you get the point. Plus, it's just something that needed to be done on the "journey."**

**And fyi. You can suck it Miley, we all love Rob. Stop putting words in my mouth. Thank you, twat.**

**If you're listening to Hannah Montana right now, stop reading this...I would feel I violated you in SO many ways if you read this.**I woke up to music.

* * *

Loud music.

Blasting music.

I didn't know where it was coming from.

Only one person caused me this much of a headache.

Cullen comma Edward.

I opened my eyes after much hesitation.

Just one peek.

I opened an eye and saw Edward listening to Cartel and writing.

Who listens to Cartel at…wait, what time was it?

"Ung," I made an inaudible noise.

Sounded like a sex noise.

Well that's because Cullen comma Edward made me make sex noises.

He was talented like that.

"Morning, sunshine," he sang to me.

OH! Edward's singing voice was deep and guttural.

Me likey.

Whoa, horny Bella is on the prowl.

"Hello," I whispered. I sat up, looking at my surroundings.

This isn't a train.

This isn't a bird.

THIS IS A PLANE!

"Why are we on a plane?"

"Well I couldn't just drive you to where we are going."

"Which is?"

"You'll find out."

Sneaky little bastard.

"How long have I been asleep?"

He turned down the music.

At this point we had both been yelling across the plane.

"A couple hours. I carried you most of the way."

I miss the best things due to my unconscious self.

"And why are we going to wherever we are going to?"

"You said you trust me."

"I do."

"Then stop asking me questions."

I folded my arms and stared out the windows.

"Mr. Cullen and guest, we are now descending down to Seattle-Tacoma Airport."

I paused.

"Why are we at Sea-Tac?"

Edward smiled.

That creepy smile.

You'd think I'd be getting sick of it.

But I realized that when he had that smile on his face, I usually got a laugh.

And I am always up for a laugh.

Before Edward could speak, a thin supermodel walked in.

I say supermodel because I wanted to claw her eyes out for being so inhumanly beautiful.

"Mr. Cullen, everything is ready for you when we land."

"Thanks, Lee."

Lee?

Why I oughtta…

She left with her pencil skirt, her stilettos, and her hair in a perfect bun like some sexual fantasy flight attendant.

Okay, maybe her hair was in a ponytail, she didn't wear a lot of makeup, and she had a clean blouse on with black pants. Maybe I just wanted her to be gorgeous so people wouldn't feel bad when I ripped her hair out.

I guess violent Bella is making an appearance today also.

Edward went back to writing, possibly a song about _Lee._

_Jealous much?_

Didn't I tell you to be quiet about…oh a million times?

_Definitely jealous._

The plane started to descend and soon we were walking off the airplane, out into the airport.

"Now where am I going?" I asked.

Edward pointed to a man with a whiteboard that said "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen" on it.

"Did we highjack a plane from your parents?"

Edward shrugged.

Mrs. Cullen is going to kill me with a butter knife and her good china.

I followed after Edward until we were led to a black car, given the keys, and then said goodbye to the man with the board.

"This is starting to become a bad horror movie. What's your plan? Kill me before my cancer can?"

"We both know if I wanted to kill you, I'd just take you to your mother. I can't be charged with your suicide."

"So very true."

"Now sit back, relax, and we'll be there in no time."

"Now that could be considered dirty."

"As much as I love getting road head, I'm turning on music so you won't distract me."

He plugged his iPod into the jack and picked a song.

"California" by Phantom Planet.

"I hope this is a hint," I spoke.

Edward stayed silent.

Where the hell were we going?

I'm getting impatient.

_Getting? Honey, you passed impatient a long time ago; you're now in eager-land, population: you._

I need to really get rid of that Conscience.

I decided to do the only thing I could.

I grabbed his iPod and changed the song.

"Sad Sad City" by Ghostland Observatory.

And I danced.

I shook my groove-thang.

I supermanned that ho.

I popped, locked, and dropped it.

Well as best I could in a car.

Edward glanced over at me.

He rolled his eyes.

So I shook what my momma gave me.

Or what was left of that.

Cars passed by, all of the passengers staring at me while I danced in the passenger seat.

Edward glanced at me again, a faint smile at his lips.

And then…

He started dancing with me.

My hair whipped around and Edward pounded the steering wheel as we twist and turned.

Dancing to our own beat.

I posed and masqueraded in the car to the song as he did intricate hand moves.

We were dorks.

But I was having fun.

The song changed.

"Float On" by Modest Mouse.

And we kept dancing.

Dancing until I was damp with sweat.

Dancing until my head hurt.

Dancing song after song.

Dancing until we passed a sign that I would know anywhere.

It read: Welcome to Forks.

"YOU'RE TAKING ME TO FORKS?!"

"Spooning leads to Forks."

Ha. Ha.

"Oh, shut up." I punched him in the shoulder.

We could not be going there.

Oh God, if he called my parents…

"Did you tell my parents we were coming?"

"How do you know I got their number?"

"Did you?"

"I googled you while you were asleep."

"On what?"

He held up his phone and mocked a commercial-like phone. "The iPhone 3G: 25,000 Apps. And counting."

"Oh shut up. Just shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up."

"I don't see the big deal."

We were pulling into their driveway now.

"Oh no! You can't make me go in!"

Edward was taking off his seatbelt and pushing mine off.

I pulled it back on.

He snapped it back off.

I pulled it back on.

He jerked himself out of the car and came around my side.

I locked the door.

He unlocked the door with his keys.

DAMN IT!

He grabbed my arms and unlocked my seat belt and then pulled me out of the car.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." I kept repeating.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" Edward struggled while I pulled against him.

"Because this is a HUGE mistake."

"You met my parents, now it's time to meet yours."

"This is worse than meeting your parents. This is not just throwing me to the sharks, this is throwing me to the dragons."

"That was terrible, epic fail. Now the neighbors are starting to watch."

I looked around. Sure enough, people were watching me flail and gawk like a seagull.

We were at the door now.

Edward knocked.

I was biting my lip.

"Edward," I said quickly.

"Bella, I already knocked, now you are going to have to face them."

"They don't know I have cancer!" I blurted out right before the door opened.

Edward's face went white.

Charlie looked at both of us in confusion.

"Bella?" He asked. "Is something wrong? Why are you here?"

"We were just in town, wanted to say hi," Edward spoke. His jaw was still tense and the color was slowly beginning to take over his face. "Can we come in?"

Charlie just looked at the man.

"Uh, sure. He held the door open while we came in. The scent of my childhood flooded my nose and made me want to run back to the car and lock myself in the trunk.

"Remember to wipe your feet." Charlie and I looked at each other as scuffed our shoes on the rug. "It's uh good to see you, Bells."

And then we did that awkward hug.

The one where you think you're going to hug so you lean in and then you second-guess yourself and you don't think you're going to hug so you lean back out then you lean in and then you lean out. It was like those fifteen-year olds who kissed like chickens. Just pecking each other. Well Charlie and I were hugging like chickens. Our bodies were pecking until we finally just hugged quickly and then got back into our own comfortable spaces.

I hate Cullen comma Edward.

Renee came into the room and her eyes widened in shock at my appearance. I swallowed back my uneasiness and gave her a hug. She kissed my cheek, we didn't exchange words, we just smiled tightly at one another. She watched me like a hawk and Edward and I sat down.

"Who is your friend, Bella?" Renee asked, looking at Edward skeptically.

"Edward Cullen, this is Edward Cullen."

I tripped over all my words.

Edward raised any eyebrow and I tried not to glare.

Keyword: tried.

"What are you doing here?" Renee clapped her hands together.

"Just stopping by," Edward answered before I could say: a_ctually, I'm on my way to murder Edward Cullen. I just wanted to let Charlie know so when he found the body, he would know who to arrest._

"Well…okay," Charlie answered.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Renee asked. We both shook our heads.

"So I heard you two have another daughter?" Edward asked.

I groaned internally. _Here we go…_

"Oh! Sam!" Renee's face lit up. "She's not here at the moment, should be back soon though. She's been at soccer practice. She's very good, not clumsy like Bella."

"Bella's clumsy?" Edward asked.

"Oh, dear, she's maladroit," Renee answered. "But Sam, wow, she's something on that field."

"She's the goalie and scored ten points last weeks. Ten points!" Charlie gushed.

Charlie was gushing.

I was in hell.

"She just tried out for the school play too, got the leading role!" Renee added. "Remember when you tried out for the school play, Bella?"

I put my face in my hands and tried to think of my happy place.

"You threw up, remember, Bella?"

I nodded.

Edward tried to stifle his laughter.

"Anyways, Sam is an angel. You will love her, Edward. She's smart and beautiful, gets good grades too. She's our baby." Renee was gleaming at Charlie who was smiling just the same.

"Where are you staying?" Charlie asked after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

"Uh," Edward spoke looking at me.

"The Lodge has some nice rooms," Renee answered.

"Yea, I think we'll be at the Lodge," I answered quickly.

They wouldn't make room for me.

The front door opened and quickly shut. In came my darling little sister and her muddy shoes.

Making tracks on the floor.

"Sam!" Renee squealed. She rushed over to Sam and gave her a hug and kiss.

She didn't do that when I showed up.

Edward nudged me and when I looked at him, he had a concerned look on his face.

I shook my head letting him know I was fine.

Just fine.

"Sam, this is Edward Cullen. He's your sister's friend."

Sister's friend.

Not Bella's friend.

Just sister.

_Stop pitying yourself!_

And then I was just done.

I was done caring.

I was done wanting to be a part of that close family that was before my eyes.

They were happy.

I wanted them to be happy.

Sam nodded in acknowledgement and then went to the kitchen.

"She just loves that dog, she's going to go play with him right now," Renee cheered.

"A dog? You told me you were allergic to dogs," I replied.

"Oh nonsense, Bella."

I kept quiet.

"Well it's getting close to dinnertime," Charlie spoke softly.

"What are you having?" Edward asked brightly.

I elbowed him in the ribs.

"Stir-fry, it is Sam's favorite."

It used to be my favorite.

I smiled at the happy family.

"Well we'll just be going," I answered. "Come on Edward."

"Yea, let's go have some fun," Edward replied angrily. "Get out of this sickening place."

His anger surprised me.

Before Charlie could point his shotgun at him, I pushed Edward out of the house.

Renee and Charlie didn't say anything, just shook their heads and went into the kitchen to start cooking.

We exited the house and got into the car silently.

The ride was silent.

The radio was silent.

Everything was silent.

Edward was mumbling inaudible things under his breath.

"You okay?" I asked.

"No!"

And the bomb blew.

"How can you stand them?" He asked exasperated. "They are like June and Ward Cleaver…on drugs!"

"Says the man with Esme Cullen as his mother."

"Yea, well at least my mother is obsessed with me. Yours didn't even look at you."

"Yea, well I told you it was a mistake to come here."

"But I…I…I had no clue it was like this."

"Its fine, Edward. You didn't know."

"But still, I just thought you were exaggerating."

"Like most people do when you tell them about your parents."

"I'm…so sorry Bella. I didn't mean for it to go that way."

I nodded and stared at the window.

"You want me to go tell them that we're married and then we can go have sex in your old bedroom?"

"It's Sam's room now." I laughed.

I laughed because it was absurd.

I laughed because I didn't have a home to go to.

I laughed because I couldn't go home like the saying goes.

So all I could do was laugh.

"You mean…they don't have a guestroom for you?"

"No, when I moved out, Sam got my room."

"What about her old room?"

"Turned into a entertainment room for Sam and her friends."

"That is just…sick." Edward's face was disgusted.

"Its fine, really, Edward. Let's just go get something to eat, find a place to stay, and get out of here tomorrow."

Edward didn't say anything.

"At least I got to see them one more time. Now I know they will be okay."

"That's bullshit, Bella."

I shrugged.

We pulled into the local diner and ordered.

I ordered a steak.

Edward ordered everything on the menu.

"Where do you put it all?" I asked looking up and down his body.

"Food makes me feel better," Edward answered.

"Oh, so how long have you been a woman?"

"Shut up."

"That's my line."

"Yea, well, I'm stealing it."

Crabby Edward wasn't a funny Edward.

"Touchy," I replied smiling.

He looked at me and then his lips curled into that wonderful crooked smile of his.

"I should have listened to you."

"Well most people should. I'm always right."

He leaned over and kissed me.

It felt like we were together.

"Edward Cullen! You sonofabitch!"

Edward groaned against my lips.

Not because he was enjoying the kiss.

But he apparently didn't want to be interrupted.

"James, what the hell are you doing here?" Edward asked looking at the man with a ponytail.

He was a biker.

Like Jacob.

"I live here, dickwad," James answered. "But I should be asking you the same thing."

"I'm here with my wife," Edward replied smiling crookedly.

Is it a crime that every time he says wife and smiles, I practically melt into a puddle of goo?

I don't think so.

This is Edward Cullen we were talking about.

Bronze-haired, emerald eyes, crooked-ass smile and all.

"You're married?" James asked, his eyes wide. "Well, hell, I never thought I'd see the day where Edward Cullen is married."

"Well looks like I just found the right person."

Edward was being very polite to this James person.

"I know what you are hinting at, and I'm still happy that I married Tori."

"Victoria is a gold-digging ho," Edward answered.

There's my guy.

"Oh come on, she makes me happy," James answered.

"Whatever, James. You know she's just after that pretty little trust fund you have that you got the same time I did, the same day, and for the same occasion."

"Look, you're my best friend," James answered. "But I'm happy. Now get off your high horse and congratulate me and I'll do the same."

"Congratulations," Edward sighed and then smiled. "You still know me the best, Jamie."

"Eddy."

Jamie and Eddy were cute together.

In that bromance sort of way.

"This is Bella," Edward motioned to me.

"Bella, nice to meet you," James said kissing my hand.

"So you two are best friends, huh?" I asked.

"Since kindergarten," James answered. "He got beat up and I laughed, been together ever since."

"I wasn't beat up," Edward replied.

"Oh, you know that Alice hung you from the coat racks, don't deny it."

"She was my sister, I couldn't hit her," Edward said defending myself.

There was a twinkle in his eyes and I couldn't stop looking at.

This was Edward's life.

It was fun to hear about.

Which was a surprise for me. Because that's never happened to me before.

I didn't care about Jake's life. I just cared that he was going to take me away and he was bad.

Every girl has to go after the bad guy.

I had done that, now I was going for the musicians.

Hey, don't get mad at me. This is Edward Cullen we're talking about, remember?

"I still think you should have let me date her," James replied.

"Over my dead body. I didn't want my baby sister contracting the herp."

"Hey, it was just a rash, I got it all covered."

"Yea, but now you're with Victoria, I'd get it checked again."

"Shut up, or I'm going to tell your mommy where you are."

"Bastard," Edward smiled.

Well, he never stopped smiling.

"So listen, Bella. Please tell me you are bringing Cullen down the local bar. Live music and guess who I want to play?"

"James, go home to your wife," Edward replied.

"Why not?" I asked.

A bar sounded like fun.

And I needed a drink.

More like a few drinks.

"I like her," James replied.

"I'll like you too if you buy me a drink at the bar," I replied smiling.

He winked at me and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Fine, we're going to the bar. We'll see you there, just don't bring Victoria."

"She doesn't like the bar," James said.

"Yea, that's probably because every guy there has screwed her and she doesn't want you to find out."

"You know, if you weren't my best friend, I'd kick your ass for saying that."

"Like you could."

"My money is on James," I spoke.

Edward glared at me.

"Hey, you brought me to my parents."

"Good point," Edward nodded.

"Not that I don't love this lover's quarrel, but I have to get going. We'll see you guys down there?"

Edward and I nodded.

James left and we finished dinner.

"Let's go work off some of this food," I spoke wiggling my eyebrows.

"Is that your hand on my thigh?"

"Maybe."

"I am not easy."

"I never said you were. But you are pretty loose….like a whore."

"Great, now I'm just dying to jump into your pants."

"Hey, you were the one saying you are always trying to get in my pants."

"I thought we were going to the bar?"

"I've got plans, Eddy. Big plans."

"Which are?"

"Do you trust me?"

Edward just smirked.

Punch or lick?

* * *

**As you can see, I'm making people out to be VERY different people in this story. James? We like. Esme? Kind of a bitch. Renee? Kind of favoring Sam. And Charlie? He's just Charlie and we have to respect the 'stache.**

**So review or I'll just skip the sexin' next chapter !**


	8. Chapter 8

****

Sorry for taking longer than I usually do.

**It's been a LONG week.**

**But did see Adventureland....don't see it. It's dumb. **

**A Few notes:**

**thanks for the reviews...they make my day every day.**

**And..... I'll talk to you more at the bottom.**

* * *

The bar was loud and obnoxious.

Packed.

And full.

I was giddy.

I smiled at Edward who rolled his eyes and led the way to the bar.

"What'll it be?" The bartender yelled across the counter.

Edward ordered shots.

Because you can't die and NOT have shots, right?

Here's to life, bitches.

I licked my lips in anticipation as the bartender poured the drink and handed us the glasses.

Bottoms up.

"To you," Edward said raising the glass towards me.

"To me," I agreed and then shot the liquor down my throat.

It burned.

It was fucking amazing!

I clenched my face and puckered my lips as my throat raged; Edward's face completely the opposite.

He made an "ahhhh" sound as he slammed the shot glass down on the bar.

He smirked.

Hm.

"Another one," I demanded.

The bartender poured the drink and placed it in front of us.

I raised my glass to Edward, "To you."

"To me," he agreed.

We gulped down the liquid. I was prepared this time for the burning, allowing myself to suck in a breath and show no emotion on my face.

Edward smirked again and this time, I smirked in reply.

"Another," Edward ordered.

Again, shots were poured.

They were downed.

And both of us showed no hint of our throats burning.

You are going to feel this tomorrow.

Oh, who cares, you'll be dead soon anyways.

After six or seven, or maybe it was ten shots, I was feeling good.

REALLY good.

Fucking good.

Like the way Edward made me feel, only good-er.

I love alcohol!

We made our way back to a booth in the corner, our hands full of drinks, and our minds in a tizzy. The music was loud and you couldn't hear yourself think, but it was nice to get an escape from yourself for a night. I took a gulp of the fruity liquid and let it fizzle on my tongue as I watched Edward take a swig of his beer.

Was it weird that I find his drinking extremely hot?

Like dripping, wet hot.

I put my fingers to the stubble on his chin, pressing lightly on the scratchy skin. I was entranced by this man: the look in his eyes when he'd hear a song he liked, the feel of his skin tighten when he'd sip his drink, and the way he puckered his lips as he was contemplating something before downing the rest of his beer and turning to me.

He scooted closer to me in the booth, making me feel like an awkward teenager on her first date.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Shh," He whispered in my ear, his nose rubbed against my neck and I closed my eyes at the amazing power in that touch. "I'm sticking my hand down your pants."

I gasped.

Because no matter how juvenile that sounded, it was so damn hot.

His fingers brushed under the skin of shirt, touching the button on my jeans, until he had magically unbuttoned them and was teasing the space under my bellybutton with his fingers. I sucked in a breath as he kissed the space behind my ear and his tongue darted out to give it a quick lick.

_More, please._

His fingers crept down painfully slow, tapping on the sensitive skin until I was squirming against his hand.

And then…he palmed me.

Complete palm against me.

If I was coherent, I would have been screaming OH SWEET GOD.

But I had no thoughts.

Just intense, orgasmic, greedy sparks shooting down between my thighs.

I shuddered with nerves and tried to get more friction, loving the excitement that was coursing through my body and trying to find an escape. My toes pointed and my head fell to the side so he could keep kissing, licking, or whateverthehell he was doing that felt so good on my throat. I hummed, more like _purred_, with anticipation while his fingers inched inside of me.

He was plunging his fingers in and out, and _in _and _out, _and innnnnnnnn and ouuuuuuuuut. He pinched some skin, not in the way that hurts, but the way that leaves you begging him to never stop because if he does you'll rip your hair out by trying to figure out howthehell he did it.

I bit my lip and tried to rub my legs together to get more.

I want more more more more more more.

"Bella, open your legs," his voice was dominating, almost over-bearing.

And I simply melted at his tone.

"More," I whimpered.

"You have to look at me or people will know," he chuckled against my cheek.

I opened my eyes and looked at him; we were silent as he kept moving his digits back and forth, inside and out, and around my bundle of nerves.

_Please, please, please, please, please,_ I begged internally.

I was frustrated, I wanted to get some release before I exploded, or caused bodily harm from clawing at my own va-jay-jay to get rid of the pent-up tension.

Edward's fingers = gold.

Edward's fingers = sex.

Edward's fingers = dirty.

From anywhere else in the room it would have looked like Edward and I were just staring at each other, until my eyes got big and I bit my lip. It would have looked like he had said something harsh or that I was excited at news he had just told me, my face looking determined and my lips were turning white at pressure of my teeth.

I wanted to be Sally screaming out an orgasm with Harry in a restaurant.

I wanted to be Norah having my first orgasm with Nick in a music studio.

But I wasn't them.

I was Bella biting her lip, trying hold in her breath of mumblings, while Edward drove me to the edge and pushed me off finally_._

And that's who I wanted to be.

It was like climbing up a mountain and as soon as you were at the top, you jumped off.

The nerves, the butterflies, the sparks, or the tingling was nothing compared to this.

To the way Edward made me feel.

To anyone else, I was biting my lip and Edward was staring at me with a small smile on his face.

But we both knew the truth.

That I was coming undone, unglued, unhinged and I was free for a few moments of my life. Free from all the worry, stress, and problems and just living.

It was these few moments that I had a new perspective and could live my life the way that I wanted to.

It was in these moments where I figured everything out.

And as soon as the wave of euphoria had hit, it was swept away and my body still buzzing with a glow. I collapsed back into the seat and laid my head on Edward's shoulder as he buttoned up my jeans and sucked on his fingers.

To anyone else, we would look like a couple.

To anyone else, we would look like average, normal people.

To anyone else, we would look like we were having a drink after work.

But to us? We knew the truth.

A band was playing and I started to listen to the music, noticing the flyers stating that it was open-mike night.

"Would you like to dance?" His breath reeked and I felt dizzy and giggly and inhaled more of his sweet-scent. I nodded and he grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor, snaking his arms around my waist and holding me comfortably to him.

"I liked our dancing in the car better," I said offhandedly.

"Yeah, but people are around now and we don't need any more reason for them to think we're insane."

"With our mothers, I'm surprised we aren't."

"Well I know I'm _not _insane. You, on the other hand…"

"I am crazy," I stated tranquilly.

Alcohol makes me tranquil.

I giggled at the thought…not knowing what was so funny, but I just needed to laugh.

"You're drunk," Edward said laughing.

"I am not."

A pretty girl walked by and winked at Edward.

And I felt jealous.

I glared at her and then looked back at Edward, who smiled politely at her.

"Do you think she is pretty?"

"Yeah, she's nice-looking."

_I think my heart just shrunk a little bit._

I nodded.

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason, I was just trying to figure out your type, that's all."

"I thought you knew I like cancer patients who listen to as much music as I do and are daughters of crazy mothers like mine," he teased.

"Ha. Ha."

Yes, I was definitely drunk.

But a little bothered that Edward wasn't taking me seriously.

"Ed! You made it!" We looked to see James holding a beer and waving at us. He made his way over, exchanging pleasantries.

This was my chance.

I slid away from the two as talked about _something._

I was too interested in finding a victim.

I wanted more experiences.

Tall, blonde guy….Mike Newton. Hell No.

Short, Asian dude…Eric Yorkie. Eh, no.

Lean, Black guy….Tyler Crowley. We're getting somewhere.

Burly, curly, and pearly. That's our man.

He was tall and muscled, wearing a nice shirt and black pants, standing by the bar and watching the band.

I pushed my boobs together, pulled my jeans lower on my hips, and flipped my hair.

Game on.

I walked towards him and asked him if he'd like to dance, he replied that he was waiting for someone, and I replied that it would take two minutes. He said he was taken. I said "taken shmaken, come dance." He sighed and then followed me to the dance floor. The band played something good for grinding and so I channeled my inner Beyoncé and pretended like I had an ass.

And I ground into him.

Again.

And again.

His hands were on my hips, his lips at my ears, whispering that he really should be getting back to the bar before his girlfriend showed up.

I didn't care that he had a girlfriend, I was having fun.

We rocked back and forth, while I giggled and laughed at the fun we were having.

Suddenly, big-burly man stopped dancing and I looked back. His face was white and he was looking over at the bar.

There was _Lee _and her hands were on her hips as she looked pathetically at the guy who was _supposed _to be gyrating with me.

Keyword: supposed.

He walked over to her and she slapped him.

And then laughed.

He smiled and kissed her passionately.

I watched this all from the same place.

Standing in the middle of the dance floor, people moving and dancing around me, but I stood still.

In a sea of people, I could tell that Lee and this man were in love.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

The next thing I knew, Lee was pulling at my hand towards the bathroom.

Girls overcrowded the mirror, while others used a marker to write town gossip on the stalls.

_For a bad time, call M. N._

_Yorkie uncorked and porked Jessica. _

_Victoria is a slut!_

_If you sprinkle, when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie._

"Alright, I know you didn't mean anything by dancing with Emmett, but could you not do it again?"

I nodded.

I thought she was going to kick my ass.

But she was…_shy._

"It's just, we're engaged and I don't need any beautiful girls hitting on him, you know?"

I nodded again.

"Aren't you here with Mr. Cullen?"

Again, I nodded.

"You can talk you know."

"Sorry, I just…well I was trying to use Emmett, did you say? Well I was trying to make Edward, Mr. Cullen, jealous."

"Did it work?" She was smiling. Nicely.

Better than Esme Cullen's smile.

"I don't think he even saw me."

"Okay, well how do you feel about letting me help?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Because girls need to stick together…?" She looked hopeful.

So I nodded like an idiot again.

"Okay…do you mind?" She said motioning at my body.

I shook my head.

Well, it's better than just nodding.

She opened up her purse and brought out tiny pair of foldable scissors. Kneeling down, she starting to cut around my thighs, very high on my thighs, until I was wearing a skirt.

At least I shaved.

Lee then rolled up my shirt until part of my stomach was showing, rolled the end of the shirt into a ball on my side and tucked it under.

Huh, how clever.

I could learn a few things from this girl.

"Okay, now flip down." I followed her instructions and touched my toes while she took out a comb and started on my hair.

When I was allowed to flip up, I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and felt _pretty._

Not in the, "you can see my damaged body" pretty that Edward had made me feel.

But girl-pretty. Like I was just going out with a bunch of friends for a night out.

Like normal-pretty.

"You sure this isn't too cliché?" I asked.

"I'll admit, you think this stuff is done in the movies way too much, but guys can't help when you show some skin and emit some confidence. Just be yourself but punch it up a little bit, you know?"

She liked saying, "you know".

I nodded.

Because she liked saying, "you know" and I liked nodding.

She grabbed my hand again and pulled me to the dance floor. She looked around and then looked back at me.

"Okay, he's at the bar behind you, now let's start dancing."

"You mean…"

"Girl-on-girl? Yeah, I mean we have to act like lesbians," Lee sighed shaking her head.

I laughed.

"Well, if I had to be a lesbian, I'm glad you're my partner."

"Life-partner," she winked.

So we started dancing.

We used each other's bodies to just flow.

Flow with the music.

Flow with the atmosphere.

And flow with the feelings.

We laughed and then Emmett came and joined our dancing circle, letting us flow around him.

Grinding and gyrating.

Just like the plan says.

By the end of the song, I was sweating a little, but kissed Emmett on the cheek for the dance and slapped Lee on the ass for a good lesbian dance.

But I told her that I didn't play that side of the field.

We're still friends.

I felt a tug on my arm and looked back to find Edward standing there.

"Are you done making me jealous?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked with a smile.

"You really shouldn't have worn a skirt," Edward said, practically purring.

Edward purring in my ear? Yes, I'd like to die and go to heaven now…oh wait, this is it.

I just kept smiling.

"What?"

"I made you jealous."

"You did not."

"Oh, really?"

"Really."

"So I can just go kiss Emmett again and you wouldn't mind?"

"YOU KISSED HIM?!"

Operation Make-Edward-Jealous succeeded.

"Yep. It was hot."

Bingo.

Edward's face turned serious.

"So, slutty skirt, puppy-dog eyes, yep this gal surely belongs to Eddie."

I turned to match the face with the high-pitched voice that went with it.

All I saw was red.

Red hair.

Flaming red hair.

"Victoria, go crawl back into the Chlamydia-infected hole you slithered out of," Edward spoke harshly.

"Is that any way to talk to your best friend's woman?" Her smile was like a snarl.

Esme Cullen meet Victoria, she could give you a run for your money with that smile of hers.

"I'm just waiting for him to grow a pair and beat you away with some cream, I mean it works for most STD's."

Victoria opened her mouth to say something but James appeared beside her and tugged on her arm.

"What are you doing here?" He asked confused.

"I came to see you, boo," she cooed.

_Boo?_

Ew.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Edward seemed to feel the same way for he cringed also.

James and Victoria started fighting.

Whatever, the chick was a slut.

_Says the girl in a skirt and her stomach exposed for the world to see._

No, I'm just pretending to be lesbian.

I giggled at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked.

"I made you jealous," I laughed.

"You're still on about that?"

"Yep," I said popping the P.

"Look, I need to go do something, will you stay here at the bar?"

I nodded.

"Seriously, Bella. No men touching you, no men groping you, no men kissing you, and no men doing to you what I just did in that booth that we marked. No. Men."

"I like you protective," I hiccupped.

He shook his head and laughed and then disappeared in the crowd.

I clicked my tongue a few times and then spun back to the bar, ordering a new round of shots.

WHOOOOOOOOOO! My inner slut-lesbian screamed.

The song ended and the next band started setting up.

I gulped another fiery liquid, sucking in a breath as it roasted my throat and warmed my belly.

"Hey, this song is dedicated to train passengers, iPod listeners, and people with crazy mothers. If you can say you're all three, then this song is mostly for you," I heard him say on a microphone. I looked up to the stage to see Edward sitting on a stool, a guitar in his hands, and him looking at me intently.

"This is also for the girls who aren't supposed to have any men around," he winked.

I heard some claps and laughter, some shouts and cheers, and then his music began.

It was just him singing; a beam of light shining down on him; his fingers twiddling and fidgeting on his instrument as he began to play. People were behind him, shaking and drumming on instruments.

_When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears  
It was easy to see that you'd been crying  
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns  
But who really profits from the dying_

His voice was magic and his playing was sweet.

_I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold you forever  
I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold you in my arms forever_

I watched couples around me hold on to each other and sway with the music, a song slower than what they had been playing. I watched Edward sing to me, sing to the crowd, and sing to the ceiling….almost like he was praying.

Praying that he could keep me.

_When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions  
It's my worried mind that you quiet  
Place your hands on my face  
Close my eyes and say  
Love is a poor man's food  
Don't prophesize_

_I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold you forever  
And I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold you forever_

I always thought that if someone sang me a song, I'd just sit there awkwardly; waiting for them to finish so I could praise them. But there were no thoughts, no awkward sits, just smiles on my face and tears in my eyes.

_So now we see how it is  
This fist begets the spear  
Weapons of war  
Symptoms of madness  
Don't let your eyes refuse to see  
Don't let your ears refuse to hear  
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness_

He wrote this song for me. Not for his mom, Lee, his friends, James, or anyone else.

Me.

Was I really that special?

_Yes, you really are._

Thank you, Conscience for not listening to me and shutting up.

_I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold on forever  
And I could hold you in my arms  
I could hold forever_

The whole bar erupted in applause, whistles, and cheers. As the guitar played softly out, Edward smiled and put the guitar down and jumped off the stage.

We all know I met him halfway.

I ran to him and jumped into him, my arms latching around his neck and my face going into his chest.

No making out.

No groping.

Just a hug.

A hug worth a thousand words.

I squeezed tighter onto him, hoping he'd understand what he had done for me. What he had given me. What I could put down as another experience and memory.

We stayed there for the next few hours. Swaying with the music and holding each other tightly.

Because tonight, Edward could hold me in his arms forever.

* * *

**So none of you knew that "Lee" was Rosalie. GOTCHA! LOL**

**And Edward singing a song for her....I mean we ALL knew that was coming. **

**And last but not least, they start heading home tomorrow and then the story will come to an end. Probably 4 or 5 more chapters left.**

**Maybe less.**

**Depends on the reviews I get.**

**MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.**

**so bbz, review please.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Yes, I know I am lame for not updating. Yes, I'm trying to do better. Yes, life gets in the way.**

**and I was reading Maximum Ride and could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME put the books down and focus on twilight. So I think after I finish this story and BB&B, I'm going to be doing some one-shots on Maximum Ride. Fang and Max will be getting a lot of attention from Brooklynn10 lol**

**So here we are.  
Enjoy.**

* * *

This kiss.

This kiss was everything you would ever need, want, desire in a kiss.

His lips were like a scarlet ribbon, perched on mine.

This kiss was a reason to live for.

Thank you Faith Hill for singing a song about this kiss.

I'm sure his hands were on my back, pressing his fingers into me like I was putty in his hands.

Which I was.

My cheek was pressed up against his shoulder as we shared the perfect kiss.

I saw happy times in this kiss.

Kissing him.

His taste was him.

Not mint, not beer, just him.

A mixture of a scent that made up the essence of Edward.

A fuck-taste, if you will.

This kiss.

I couldn't get over it.

The. Kiss.

Kiss.

Kiss.

Kiss.

Kiss.

Kiss.

"You're taking all my energy, I need something to drink," Edward whispered against my lips.

"No," I said calmly as I tugged on his lips with mine.

Keep playing with me.

Keep playing that we were normal.

That we were happy.

That we were a couple.

That we weren't fooling ourselves.

Kiss me again.

He saw the look in my eyes, the woman begging him to end all her fears and doubts with a kiss. He brushed his nose on my cheek lazily as he puckered his lips on my skin.

I felt like I could melt into a puddle, lazily happy and dreamily content.

He laced his fingers with me and pulled me to the bar, taking his sweet lips with him, as we sat on the stools and ordered drinks.

Damn.

A beer was placed in front of me.

I licked my lips and made out with the bottle as the bitter drink ran down my throat.

"Hey, Ed, mind giving me a hand?" I heard from the stage. Edward nodded and ran to help him carry instruments that took more than one set of hands to carry. I went back to my beer, knowing full well that I was intoxicated.

Intoxicated of him.

Intoxicated of my drink.

Intoxicated with life.

After a few moments, Edward returned and sat down, taking a sip of his beer.

We ended up on the dance floor a few moments later, swaying.

Back and forth.

The lights were dim, smoke surrounded us, and everything was hazy.

I wasn't complaining.

My arms were around his neck, his hands wrapped lazily around my waist.

I floated with the music.

With Edward.

He slowly grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest, his hand holding it there, while his other hand became firmer on my back.

We were dancing.

We slowly circled and I rested my head on his shoulder.

He led.

I followed.

No words.

Just dancing.

Music.

Eyes drooping.

The music stopped and started to get up-tempo.

But we still danced slowly.

Swaying.

The lights twinkled.

And we continued on with our dance.

"So…"

"So…" I countered.

"Wanna go streaking?"

"Fuck. Yes."

Edward pulled my hand and led me out of the bar, the bartender screaming at us to pay the bill, but we ignored him.

We were young and stupid.

Let's drink to that.

We walked for awhile until we were in a neighborhood; much like the one Charlie and Renee lived in, and stopped us. Edward tore off his shirt and waited for me. I fumbled with my jeans over my shoes and then ripped them off completely.

His pants were next to go.

I bit my lip.

Next, my underwear.

His eyes never left mine.

His boxers.

He was naked.

Now it was my time to join him.

I took a breath and tugged off my shirt.

The last thing left was my bra…

I pulled all my hair to one side and turned away from him and then peeked at him, questioning silently. He brushed his fingers softly down the strap until he was at the latch and then carefully, he unhooked my bra.

Piece by piece.

And then it fell off my body.

I fought the impossible urge to cover my chest up.

"Come on," He whispered against my hair. I turned and met his eyes, the trust completely with him, and my fears vanished for a split-second. "It's just you and me."

Him and I.

I smiled and choked back the surge of emotion starting to clog my throat.

And then Edward pulled out his iPhone and played music out loud. First it was "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. We danced and sang down the street, skipping and showing off. Next was "The Space Between" by Valencia.

"Echo" by Gorilla Zoe.

"Starstrukk" by 3OH!3

I was laughing.

He had his arms around me.

We were naked and walking.

And that's when I saw them.

The red and blue lights flashing.

And instead of freaking out, I laughed.

Edward and I fell into each other laughing.

Because chances were that we would get caught streaking and Charlie would be on patrol tonight.

Can you go to jail for indecent exposure?

"Stop where you are!" We heard a megaphone speak to us. Edward put us behind a parked car and put me behind him, covering my body with his. My arms went instinctively to my chest, thinking about how far our clothes were where we began.

A mile?

Maybe two?

I saw the officer walking toward us, his flashlight pointing at Edward's torso, Edward still making sure I was out of sight.

"What the hell are you two kids doing?" I recognized that voice.

It was Tom Hallaway. Dad's friend at the Police Department. He had come over to dinner a few times with his wife, Cindy, and their daughter Jill. Nice family, perfect just like ours looked like from the outside. But Jill told me that her mom was always gone helping her sick grandmother and Tom was working overtime for a promotion. They were just like us: perfect from the outside.

And that's when I decided to change that.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"RUN!!!!" I screamed and took off back the way we came. Tom shouted at us to stop and then got into his cruiser to chase us but we were already in bushes and shrubbery, hiding.

"Nice thinking," Edward huffed.

"Well, did you have a plan?"

"Yeah, I was going to let you seduce him so I could steal the car."

"I thought you were the whore," I replied.

"Oh that's right. You're the cancer patient who runs naked from cops."

"Sounds about right."

We waited until we didn't hear any cars around or see any car lights and walked back to our clothes. We joked and teased, laughed and sighed, and fought and swore. We dressed hurriedly, claiming we needed to find a place to sleep. We looked around, not sure where to go, and then out of nowhere….

Tom shows up, flashing his lights and sirens wailing.

"Fuck my life," I groaned.

"Want to run again?"

"Want to carry me?"

"Want to drop dead?"

"Will do in a short time."

"Shut up."

"You have the right to remain silent."

"Shut up."

"Alright you two, I can hear you…" We heard Tom boom. He was a big man, the kind of cop you never wanted to go up against. Edward sighed and was the first to step out of the bushes, he held his hands up in surrender and the cop took a hold of him, frisked him and read him his rights, and then placed him in the car.

"Now you too, young lady," he called out to me.

_Charlie is going to hate me._

Oh well, think of it as a parting gift.

I stepped out, chewing on my lip, and then held my hands up.

"Well look-y here, we've got Miss Isabella Swan!" Tom was cat-calling now.

"Er, hi Tom. How's Cindy?"

"She's fine, she'd hate to see me arresting you, but she's fine."

"Good…well you could always _not _arrest me."

"What would your father say to that?"

"He'd punch you and then tell you to go back to Academy and grow a pair."

"Couldn't have said it better myself." His mustache was just like Charlie's, bushy and scary. Whenever he used to kiss me on the cheek, I'd wince at the scratch marks I was sure would appear.

"Still have the whiskers, I see."

"Hey, respect the 'stache."

"Yes sir," I giggled while he patted me down. He stopped midway, eyeing me, and then straightened up.

"I don't think the Chief's daughter would try anything, even Isabella "The Runt" Swan."

"The Runt?" Edward asked from the cop.

"Hey, I told you, you had the right to remain silent, boy!"

Edward shut up rather quickly.

Hm. Maybe I'll have to try that sometime.

"So what's this whole streaking business about, anyways?" He chuckled.

"You always told me that I had a talent for shocking people," I replied.

"Well hell, how can I arrest you for bein' yourself?"

"Exactly Tom. Exactly."

"Nah, you're still coming with me." Tom put the handcuffs on my wrists and escorted me to the car. I sat next to Edward and sighed.

One of those "I don't know what I should be feeling sighs."

Did I fuck up?

Should I laugh?

Do I say I'm sorry?

Would it be wrong to ask Tom about Jill?

Am I going to jail?

"So let me get this straight, you two were out streaking…because Isabella is good at it?" His eyebrow was cocked in the rear-view mirror as he watched us.

"Isn't it customary to question the witnesses when they are alone?" Edward laughed.

Tom glared.

Edward shut up.

I tried glaring at Edward but just looked off like a pissed off kitten.

He chuckled.

Tom barked at him to make one more peep and he'd make sure Edward was placed in a cell where no one could hear his screams, where he couldn't see the daylight, and would never know how much time has gone by because no one would visit him.

Okay, so it was complete bull shit. I mean this is _Forks _we are talking about.

But that shut Edward up very quickly.

Hm. I can't do that.

Tom has skill.

He started the car and pulled away from the curb, waiting for an answer. Edward knew better than to speak and so I knew it was my turn.

"We just came into see my parents," I explained. "We had a few drinks before returning to the hotel—"

"Hotel? Why weren't you staying with your parents?"

"Tom…" I lectured. He knew exactly why. I'm sure Charlie had filled him in.

"Looks like you and Jill have a lot more in common than I thought."

"What? You disowning her too?"

"Bella, you know Charlie isn't disowning you. He's just not that great in showing his feelings. Why do you think your mom left in the first place?"

"Jill deserves better." Was my only response.

"She does…and I'm working on it."

"Work harder."

"You know what? I know Charlie will beat my ass if I bring you in," he pulled to the side of the road. "You're free to go, on the condition that you have to walk back to your car _clothed."_

"Thank you!" I squealed.

Looks like becoming a felon wasn't on my list after all.

Tom helped me out and then unlinked the cuffs. I rubbed my poor wrists and gave Tom a hug before he moved on to Edward. He didn't even wince, just wrapped his arms around me and tightened them for a quick squeeze.

"You have a good night now," he smiled.

Wait.

"What about Edward?"

"I said you were free to go, I said nothing about him."

"Tom!" Edward was nodding his head and I could already read his thoughts: _I love my life, I love my life, I love my life._

"Goodnight, Bells," Tom said as he got back into the cruiser and started the engine. I stared agape at him and as he pulled away, I understood something.

He wasn't joking.

He was actually taking Edward to jail.

_Oh shit._

_Oh shit._

_Oh shit._

_Oh shit._

I sprinted down the street…

Wait.

Where the fuck am I going?

I don't have a car.

I don't have a phone.

I don't have any money.

TO CHARLIE'S HOUSE THEN.

I knew we were a few blocks from the house as I started running again, forming a plan in my head. I jumped over bushes, leaped over trash cans, and burst up the hill to our house.

I couldn't breathe; the air burned my lungs and heart.

I couldn't walk; my legs were starting to wobble.

I burst through the lawn, opening the garage with my hands and sneaking in.

The Volvo?

No, that's Renee's prized possession, next to her baby-girl that is.

So the cruiser?

Bingo.

I took the extra keys off the rack in the garage and started the cruiser, praying that Charlie was still a heavy-sleeper, I flipped the car around and stomped on the gas, knowing exactly where I was going.

To the local jail cell.

I didn't think of the potential trouble I could get in.

For stealing a car.

For stealing a cop's car.

For stealing the Chief's cop car.

I am so fucked.

I left the keys in the ignition, the door ajar as I bolted into the station, running to the front desk and berating the secretary with information.

My words came out in pants.

"Edward….streaking….Cullen….Tom….arrested."

She squinted her eyes at me, probably assessing if I was insane of not.

"Isabella?" She asked, her voice nasally.

Cheryl.

"No time, Cherry. Just tell me where Edward Cullen is."

She typed a few things in her computer, looking at a few files, I started to drum my fingers I was becoming so impatient.

"He's not in the system yet, they must have just brought him."

Before she could finish I was running to the only place I could think of.

Interrogation room.

Bingo.

You're on a roll, Bella.

He was sitting there, listening to Tom, nodding and speaking seriously.

I didn't even know Edward had a "serious" face.

But it was defined, angular, and hot.

I knocked on the Plexiglas window and waited as Tom sighed and then came towards the door. Before Tom could answer the door, someone had their arm around my waist and was pulling me away.

I started screaming and floundering and flailing.

The guy didn't budge.

I was thrown into a cell and left before I could scream at him for making a mistake.

I was tired and panting and felt like the room was spinning.

_Just sit down, Bella. Things will be fine. Take some breaths, clear your head, and you're fine._

I repeated the mantra a few times.

And then I paced.

And waited.

And paced.

And waited.

Finally Edward was brought in and put in a cell opposite of me.

"Well, looks like you aren't here to rescue me," he sighed.

I didn't say anything.

Because I didn't know what to do.

I was lost and confused.

I always had a plan.

Well not always… but usually I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I saw no light, no plan, and no optimism.

And that's when the tears came.

Sure, when it came to death, I could take it. When it came to having no plan, I cried like a baby.

_Get it together._

I sunk to my knees and started sobbing, losing all control and dry-heaving.

"Shhh," Edward quieted me from his cell. "Calm down, we'll figure a way out." His voice was calm and soothing. Almost like his words floated through the air and rubbed my back and broke down. The tears were endless as Edward spoke calming words, I felt foolish and stupid, thinking of all my mistakes and where I was at the end of my life.

Nowhere.

I hadn't changed anyone's life. I hadn't saved anyone from anything. I hadn't even found a cure for anything.

I hadn't made a difference in the world.

And now it was too late.

My body shook and my teeth chattered as the saltwater ran down my cheeks, my hands kept wiping them away only to be met with fresh tears.

"Bella, baby, it's going to be okay," Edward said kneeling down so he was eyelevel to me. "Look at me."

I blinked back new tears and then slightly raised my eyes to him.

He looked glorious.

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and watched as his dark eyes looked deeply into mine. It wasn't romantic, it wasn't even mystical. It was just a guy trying to comfort a girl.

It was perfect.

"We're going to be fine. _You're _going to be fine."

I nodded and then sank further down until I was leaning on the bars, trying to focus on my breathing.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

**Poor B. & E.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi, hello. I'm back. Work has been kicking my ass. So unfortuantely, everything suffered, my writing, my social life, and even my relationships. But for right now, I'm back. We'll see if that changes.**

After a few hours, Edward and I were arguing.

Over stupid crap.

I wasn't listening to him, he wasn't listening to me.

Just two voices screaming at each other, trying to be louder than the other.

Tom came back and yelled at us to keep it down, wondering what in tar nation we were so fired up about.

To be honest, I wasn't sure either.

"You're being stupid!"

"Well, you're an idiot!"

"Why are you so upset?"

"Because we're fools!"

It wasn't even creative insults.

But then, we were being released, on account of our arguing being a racket to everyone else.

Tom apologized for keeping us, but wanted to teach a lesson. He said this and then gave Edward a long look, which Edward replied with a tight nod.

Hm.

So there we were, walking back to the bar to get the car. We were on opposite sides of the road, not speaking, both of us in our own worlds.

Pissed off at each other.

But I wasn't focused on that.

I was focusing on the smell of Forks.

The crisp, pine-y, home-like scent of Forks.

I inhaled deeply, trying to commit it to memory.

I wish I could put the smell in a jar and open it a bit on special occasions, to smell the aroma of my childhood.

I watched the stars, trying to take a mental picture of the clear skies, the pine trees, the mountains in the distance. I forgot how much I liked cloudy, overcast Forks.

I inhaled again.

There weren't any cars on the road, the only lights from random houses placed in sporadic spots.

I tried to figure out what Edward was thinking.

I shrugged when I couldn't figured it out and inhaled again as I watched the stars.

"Would you knock the fuck off?" Edward hissed.

I rolled my eyes and stayed silent, what a dramatic little boy.

He was pissed because we had another "Come to Jesus" meeting; I asked him what he was going to do after this.

This.

The thing between him and I.

The thing.

And suddenly, Edward was pissed off, screaming and fighting with me.

I wasn't sure where I had gone wrong.

Maybe it was a musician thing.

Or maybe it was just an Edward thing.

I inhaled again not thinking.

"JESUS!"

I quickened my pace.

And then it hit me.

Wasn't I the one who was always trying to make Edward silent, not vice versa?

The epiphany hit me like a wave and I couldn't help the giggle that passed my lips.

I giggled loud.

I even snorted.

"And what the hell is so funny?"

"Nothing," I smiled to myself.

The bars' lights were in front of us now.

I started to run to the car, happy to have the whole night behind us.

Edward unlocked the car and we both got in, he called the plane, telling them we'd be on our way back to go back home.

_Home._

I had once decided that Jake was my home, when I was young and naïve and stupid.

And once upon a time it had been wherever Charlie and Renee were, that was my home.

Now, home was the place I could go to and call a refuge.

That place, was a studio apartment I'd be moving into when I got back to Jake's.

Edward stayed quiet on the drive as I watched the passing lights and the trees float by.

The quiet and darkness made my eyes feel heavy, I leaned against the window as tiredness started to swallow me whole.

When I woke up, we were pulling up to the airport, our plane awaiting us.

I got out of the car and walked straight in, not even making sure Edward got my bag or if I needed to do anything. I sat down on a comfy, leather chair and rested my head against the walls of the plane.

I didn't want to know what time it was, I didn't want to know how long we had until we touched down again, all I wanted was to get home.

I felt an urge to get home.

Edward walked in and sat down on the other side of the plane, the pilot coming on and stating we were taking off.

"Where's Lee?" I asked, still groggy.

"She's staying here with Emmett, they are flying back together sometime next week. She's here to meet his parents."

"I sure hope he doesn't have parents like us," I chided.

Edward nodded, a slight smile on his face.

"Are you done being angry?"

"I'm not angry."

"Well, obviously you're still pissed off at me."

"It's nothing."

"I'm not going to play that game with you right now."

"What game?"

"The game where you say, 'nothing is wrong.' And then I say, 'no, tell me.' And then it's back and forth about how nothing is wrong when really, there is. That game."

"Oh," was all he said.

"Edward," I warned. He ran his fingers through it.

I walked over and sat on his lap, running my fingers through his locks.

Still smooth and soft, thick and full.

Mmmmm.

"Just tell me."

"You know, you're almost nice when you are tired."

"Don't make me slap you."

"And that's why I said, 'almost'."

"Edward!" I screamed. "Stop playing games. Just tell me what the fuck you are thinking."

"Fine," Edward said pushing me off, I stumbled to my feet. "I'm scared of what's going to happen after we get back. You're dying. You're dying! I'm afraid to hold you, I'm afraid to touch you, I'm afraid to lose you. This is what you did to me. YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU! And you think that after we get back we go on with our lives like normal people but I can't do that. I rarely have relationships, but nothing like what I want to have with you. And then that police-guy Tom lectures me on hurting you, like you don't have to worry about Cancer and that the only thing that can harm you is me, some random musician you met on a train by a chance of fate. So, what's bothering me? The fact that I'm in love with a dying girl and I can't be with you."

He loved me.

But that wasn't the part I was focused on.

"_I can't be with you."_

He was right, he couldn't be with me. I couldn't ask him to go through that. Just like I couldn't ask Mom, Dad, or even Jake to go through it anymore.

He was right.

_I love you, too._

_But you're going to hate me for this._

"Well Edward, you won't have to worry about it when we step off this plane, I will be gone and out of your life."

The look on his face broke me.

Right in the middle, I felt the cracking, the crumbling of the center of my soul.

He stayed quiet and walked away towards the back of the plane, into a private room.

I went back to my seat, pulled out my iPod, and listened.

Listened for the music to take me away from this spot in time and to another place.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the music to take me.

No tears came.

No sobbing.

Just guilt.

Extreme guilt.

The kind that swallows your chest and beats on your heart like a drum.

The cabin lights were dimmed, putting me in darkness, making sleep even easier to come.

When I woke, it was bright outside, Edward was sleeping on the couch and my iPod was wrapped up and put back in my bag.

The guilt still remained.

The pilot announced we had landed and I started getting up, getting my things together.

"Edward," I whispered.

"Edward," I cleared my voice.

"Edward!" I shook him. His surprise took me by surprise as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tightly to him. He finally realized what he had done and let go as I got up and grabbed my stuff. He shook his head, waking himself up, and then grabbed his stuff as we walked off the plane.

Home.

Before I could stop myself, lists were being made in my head of all the things I needed to do.

Edward and I walked to the parking lot, keeping silent.

I waved a taxi down, loaded my stuff into it, and turned back to Edward.

"It's been nice knowing you."

Before I could stop myself I was grabbing onto his leather jacket and pulling him one last time.

"That was a shitty thing to say," I whispered as I pressed my lips onto his. The heat warmed my body up one last time.

One last time.

His arms clutched on to my body one last time.

One last time.

His stubble on his chin tickled me one last time.

One last time.

And before I could stop time, the kiss was over and I was sliding into the taxi, nodding at him goodbye.

The taxi pulled out but I stayed on him.

His mouth was pursed and his eyebrows knitted together.

He seemed to be getting smaller and soon he was nowhere in my vision.

He was gone, forever.

"Aw, young love," the driver spoke as he took a left.

"Always runs its course, huh?" I spoke as I watched the familiar landmarks pass by.

"Or it can run forever," he shrugged.

"One in a million," I replied.

"Whose to say you aren't that one?"

I stayed silent.

When he pulled up to the curb, I gave him money, and walked up to the door, key in my hand, figuring out that four days ago I wouldn't have even guessed that my life could have been this affected.

I put the key in the lock and walked in.

The smell was the same, the look was the same. Everything was the same.

It was a disappointment.

Jake rounded the corner, crushing into me, gasping at the sight of me.

"Bella!" he exclaimed.

I hugged him back and stayed quiet.

"How are you? What did the doctor say?"

"Did you pack my stuff?" I asked as I saw boxes stacked up.

"I didn't want to make this more awkward than it needed to be. If this is your decision, then I accept it."

Only Jake would make breaking up easier.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine…I guess I've just changed."

A smile overtook my face.

"Who is it?"

"Who is who?"

"Who is the person that affected you? Who changed you?"

"Edward, his name was Edward."

"Was?"

"Is."

"So you move on just as fast as I do, eh?"

"I think we moved on a long time ago, you and I are better friends."

"Yeah…we are," Jake agreed.

And I could tell he genuinely did.

"So, what'd the doctor say?"

"He said—"

And that's when everything went black.


	11. Chapter 11

**Not a long wait, our journey is coming to an end.**

**Meet me at the bottom.**

** P.S. grab some tissues, put on a sad song, and read this.**I woke up in darkness, a sick taste in my mouth.

* * *

I was in a bed I had been in before.

I knew it too well.

My and Jake's bed.

Well, now just Jake's bed.

I swallowed the taste from my mouth and tried to sit up.

The room started spinning and I immediately lied back down.

There wasn't a shot I could sit up right now, I felt too weak.

I saw Jake walk through the door and smile at me.

_Why are you smiling, douche? I'm bed-ridden. _

"Hey," he whispered as he sat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand on my face.

"What happened?" I croaked.

"You just missed the doctor."

Jake—"

"And I've made a sandwich for you when you're hungry, PB&J, just the way you like it."

"Jacob—"

"I've also got some hot tea on, you should sip on it."

"Jacob Black!" It wasn't a scream, more a loud whisper.

There was a silence between us; he knew what he was doing.

He was stalling.

"Just…..tell…me…" I had trouble breathing.

"The cancer is spreading," he whispered as he looked away.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"It's starting to shut down your body."

I swallowed the permanent lump in my throat, but it wouldn't go away.

"Okay," I rasped as he turned back to me, tears in his eyes.

"Don't cry," I spoke calmly. He continued to stare and then blinked his eyes and the water was gone.

"Um," he sniffed. "Let me go get that tea for you. And PB&J. I'll get you the remote so you can watch some TV, do you want me to prop your head up on some pillows—"

"Stop babying her," a voice spoke from the doorway, Jake was in the way so I couldn't see who it was, but then Jake turned to speak to the voice.

Edward.

Edward Cullen.

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.

My fucking husband.

A breath went into my lungs, I felt the chilly air, like ice, race down my windpipe and expand my whole body.

Freezing it.

I continued to stare as Jake defended himself, but Edward wasn't paying attention to him, he was looking at me.

With concerned eyes.

I tried to search for pity, but I only saw one thing: relief.

He came over, patting Jake on the back and then sat on the edge of the bed.

"How did you…?"

"Jake called, I programmed my number into your phone when you were sleeping, after he called the doctor, he called me, explained I might want to come over and say my goodbyes."

"We already said our goodbyes," I replied.

But still, the thought of another goodbye with Edward made my heart break a little.

Or maybe the cancer was breaking my heart.

Probably a little of both.

"The thing is," he paused. "I'll never be ready to say goodbye to you."

I gave a lazy smile. It was all I could give.

"Tell me, what did the doctor say?" I knew he wouldn't spare me the details. He'd be honest and good and fair and tell me.

"It's bad. It's really bad. And you're probably going to die."

"Okay."

"And it'll probably be soon."

"How soon?"

"Whenever your body is ready to go."

"I'm never ready to go."

"But your body will be."

Jake came back in with my sandwich, tea, and picked up the remote off the dresser. Edward propped my up on pillows, my breath ragged as the simple task was completed. Edward climbed on the other side of me, taking the remote and turning on the TV, flipping through the channels.

"Bella, I promised I'd go help a friend move, do you mind if I go?" Jake asked.

"Not at all, I don't want to be a burden," I said with sad eyes.

Even though I knew I was.

"You're never a burden, but Edward?"

"Yeah man?"

"If I come back and she's not alive, I'm kicking your ass."

And even though it might have been insensitive, I started laughing.

Edward laughed.

Jake chuckled.

"Yeah, you can kick my ass if she stops breathing."

Jake smiled one last time, winked, and then grabbed his coat and left.

"I can see why you were with him," Edward spoke after a few minutes of silence.

"He's a nice guy," I agreed.

"But you don't love him," Edward noticed.

"I love him…like I love…writing. I'd be lost without it, but I wouldn't die. I'd be fine and I could get through without it."

"But you don't want to be without him?"

"No, I don't."

"He's a nice guy…but he isn't what you need."

"I'm not really sure what I need at the moment," I shrugged as we continued to watch whatever was on the screen. Even though, we weren't really watching, just staring at the bright lights as we had this conversation.

"I know what you need," Edward replied solemnly.

"I'm glad you're here then."

And even if we both didn't admit it, that conversation had said a lot more than what was on the surface.

We had spoken about love, life, and that he'd miss me. And I felt the same.

"I don't want to die," I said as I finished the sandwich and then scooted back into laying. Edward turned off the TV, the darkness returning to the room and laid next me, facing me.

Inches apart.

But it felt like we were one, as cheesy as it was.

"I don't want you to die, either."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"No…"

"I know…we don't usually get all mushy…but I will always be with you."

"I know." He closed his eyes.

"My writing will be with you." I closed mine.

"I know."

"Edward?" I said after a few minutes, opening my eyes.

"Hm?" His eyes were still closed.

"Will you write a song about you and me?"

He opened his eyes.

"Absolutely." His eyes held more honesty than I had ever seen; more honesty that I had been told in a lifetime.

"Will you have sex with me?"

"Do you ask that to all the men you meet on trains?"

"Just the copper-haired, guitar playing, momma's boy, ones."

"Oh, so all the men you meet?"

"Basically," I smiled as he kissed me.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yeah," I breathed. Edward got up, placing his body above me, his hand playing with the ends of my hair as he peered at my face.

His hands went down to the hem of my shirt, sliding it up as he placed kisses on the cold skin of my stomach.

"Did you ever want kids?" He asked as his tongue licked inside of my bellybutton.

"I…I don't know. Maybe. You?"

"Yes, I needed to prove that my parenting skills are better than my parents' were."

"I never thought about it like that. I was the opposite; not wanting to screw them up so bad that I'd lose them like mine lost me."

"What do you want me to tell your parents?"

"At the funeral?"

Edward nodded.

"That I…I'm in a better place? I don't really know. Tell them, I'm sorry. Tell them, I love them. Tell them, I married you."

My pants were slid off now.

And then Edward had his pants off, his shirt still on, as he eased into me.

His warmth felt so good.

I put my hands underneath his shirt, needing to feel his skin.

I pushed my fingers into his flesh as he slid farther and farther in.

We stared at each other as he we both moved, slowly.

"Is this weird that Jake and I have…"

"That's a terrible thing to say while I am in you," Edward laughed. "But no, I didn't even think about it. Plus, I like to think about that this is the first time you've gotten real pleasure in this bed."

I laughed.

I laughed because he was right.

Jake did…pleasure me. But not the way Edward did. He pleasured my body and soul. Heart and mind. Inside and out.

I kissed him as fiercely as I could, sucking on his lips, wanting him to know I was his.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I choked between kisses.

"Sorry for what?" Edward stopped his movements and looked at me.

"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough," I gasped as the tears poured. "I'm sorry I can't make it. I'm sorry I have to leave you."

My lips trembled with fear.

My eyes fell heavy with sadness.

My heart felt like someone was squeezing the life out it.

That someone being Cancer.

"Bella, I have loved you since the moment I laid my eyes on you. I know you don't feel the same way, but I need you to know. I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Edward, I lied."

"What?"

"I love you, I just…don't want you to go through being sad when I go."

"You can't control if I love you or not, I'd be sad either way."

"Then, know that I love you."

"I love you, too."

Edward pulled out, none of getting the traditional sense of pleasure one gets from someone humping you.

This was better.

Edward helped me get dressed, saying something about not wanting Jake to see his woman, naked. Even to my rebuttal of him already seeing me naked. He glared at me, I laughed, kissed his hand, and then fell asleep.

"I love you, Bella Swan. And I will be devastated when you leave. But I promise to you that I will survive, that I will love again, that I will never forget you."

That night I had the best sleep of my life.

* * *

**Last chapter is next. It might be posted tomorrow, or maybe next week. **

**Happy weekend. Even though I feel like bawling after typing this chapter.**

**Brooklynn10**


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